The Process of Change (HIATUS)
by Tonks Ozog
Summary: The truth is out and Hermione has lost everything that made her life what she thought it to be. Now she needs to start again and with the help unexpected friends and find out how to become strong again.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One**

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"So how have you been coping since our last session, Hermione? Any issues?" Asked Julie Sawyer, eyeing the girl who was currently curled up on the hard sofa in the therapist's office.

Hermione shook her head as she fiddled with a loose thread that she found in the cuff of her jumper. This would be her ninth weekly session with the magical therapist and, while she found it extremely useful to be able to discuss her many issues with the kind, warm woman, her sessions always started out in the same way; hestitant and quiet.

"No issues as such, no." Hermione murmured quietly.

In truth her week had been... Quiet. She had spent some time with Blaise, at his insistence, but other than that her time had been spent attempting, and failing, to bury herself in books in an attempt to escape the monotony and loneliness that had become her reality.

"Is there anything particular you feel the need to discuss today?" Julia asked kindly.

"Nothing that springs to mind." Hermione told her, briefly glancing up to smile shakily at the therapist before immediately returning her attention back to her sleeve.

"Ok," the woman smiled, "In that case, I would very much like to return to the issue of Eloise. If you feel ready, of course."

Hermione froze in her fiddling and closed her eyes. Eloise... Though being the main reason for these sessions, her alter ego had only been mentioned very briefly in her initial appointment. Was she ready to discuss her? Would she ever be able to move forward with her life if she didn't? Sighing heavily, she lifted her eyes to meet the therapist's and nodded curtly.

"Excellent," Julia grinned, turning and picking up a newspaper clipping from the side table before placing it gently on the coffee table in front of her. Hermione looked down at it. "How dyou feel when you look at this?" she asked, gesturing to the clipping.

Hermione leaned forward and picked up the paper, leaning her elbows on her shaking knees as she stared at it. Gazing back at her was a moving image of Eloise Aintree, as familiar to Hermione as her own reflection, smiling sweetly and laughing at something that remained unseen off camera.

"Honestly?" Hermione asked timidly, glancing at the older woman who nodded encouragingly. "Angry."

She watched as Julie nodded and noted something down on her clipboard before turning back to Hermione and waving her hand, indicating that she wished for her to elaborate. Hermione sighed before continuing.

"Angry at myself, I guess, for creating her. Angry at that he could love her so much and yet hate me." She muttered, throwing the clipping back onto the table and relaxing back into the couch.

"'He' being Draco, correct?" The therapist asked.

Hermione winced and nodded. This had been her only reaction to hearing his name throughout the her sessions. She couldn't help the pain that fell over her and clenched her heart at the mere thought of him. His reaction, the look on his face when he had discovered the truth that day in St Mungo's... That image was burned in her memory and try as she might, she found it impossible to forget.

"Do you miss her?" Julia asked and Hermione frowned. "Eloise, I mean?" she clarified.

"No." Hermione said, still frowning. "I don't miss being her or the fractured life she represented... I do miss what she had though."

Julia nodded and made some more notes before turning back to Hermione, waiting for her to continue speaking. When she realised that Hermione was not going to elaborate, she thankfully changed the subject.

"How is your relationship with..." She flicked to her notes from their previous sessions, "Blaise?"

"He has been incredibly supportive." Hermione supplied, smiling gently at the thought of her friend. "We have become very close."

"Is this relationship likely to develop into one that is romantic in nature?" The woman asked.

Hermione snorted. She remained both shocked and amazed that Blaise's blatant homosexuality remained hidden from the wizarding world at large. It had taken her a while to see it, but now that she had, it was blaringly obvious. She shook her head and started laughing at the very thought of a romantic relationship with the man.

"As Blaise would say, I am 'somewhat lacking in his equipment of choice." She laughed and the therapist cocked her eyebrow. "Blaise is gay."

"Ah, I see!" Julie chuckled with sudden understanding, "And how is your relationship with your other friends? Any changes in that respect?"

Hermione sighed, thinking of Harry and the Weasleys. The truth was, once the truth had been exposed, her oldest friends had turned their back on her. They saw her long relationship with Draco as the ultimate betrayal. On top of all of her other secrets and lies... Well, they had not yet found it within themselves to forgive her. Not that she could blame them.

"No change." She muttered, shaking her head tiredly.

The timer on Julia's desk chimed and Hermione looked up in surprise. Had it really been an hour already? Julia stood and silenced the alarm before putting her notes down on her desk and turning back to Hermione.

"How are you getting on with your Anti-Depressant potion?" She asked, eyeing Hermione carefully.

"Alright, I think. I've definitely not been feeling any worse..." Hermione said, frowning, "Though I'm not sure I'm feeling much better, either."

She had been prescribed the potion immediately upon her release from St Mungo's and had been taking it religiously ever since. While she didn't like relying on medications of any sort to help her find happiness, she knew that right now she just needed the potion in order to functiong properly. Without it... She didn't want to know of where she might be.

"I'm going to suggest that you double the dosage, Hermione." Julia advised and Hermione nodded. "I would say that you double your daily intake to two drops, as opposed to just the one. Preferably one in the morning and one in the evening. Is that agreeable?"

"Yes, thank you." Hermione said, smiling tightly.

"Ok, you're booked in for next week, as always. I'll see you then."

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Hermione pulled open the door to the Leaky Cauldron and stepped inside, searching the grimy pub for the familiar face of her only remaining, and rather surprising, friend. Smiling as she found it, she pushed through the gathered patrons and dropped a kiss on Blaise's cheek before sliding into the booth opposite him.

"Hello lovely!" He greeted with a grin, "How was today's session?"

"Same shit." Hermione shrugged as Blaise pushed a tankard of Butterbeer across the table to her. "She's increased my Aunty Dee though." she grimaced.

Blaise let out a loud bark of laughter at her use of their designated nickname for her Anti-Depressant potion and she grinned, taking a sip of her frothy drink. They had started to use the nickname in an attempt to hide the true nature of their conversations in public, hoping to hide some of her woes from the the wizarding world.

"That's good, right? Hopefully it'll help." Blaise said kindly, "What did you talk about?"

"Eloise." Hermione groaned and heard Blaise gasp. Hermione nodded, "How do I feel about her? Do I miss her? All that crap."

"And?" Blaise prompted.

"And I feel angry and I don't miss her." Hermione provided, turning her attention to her drink which was cradled between her hands.

"Angry?" He asked confusedly and she nodded.

"That he can love her and not me, even now he knows the truth." She muttered.

Blaise reached his hand out across the table and Hermione placed hers into it, smiling when she felt him squeeze her's in quiet support.

"'Cause he's the worlds biggest prat, lovely. I've told you this." He said seriously and Hermione couldn't help but chuckle.

She knew that he hadn't seen his best friend at all since the day he had given Draco the letter. He had, it seemed, dropped off the radar. It didn't stop him appearing regularly in the Daily Prophet though, each time pictured in a romantic situation with a different girl. Each photo and article was like a dagger to her heart and she was infinitely glad of her friendship with Blaise, having his support when everybody else she loved had seemingly abandoned her.

The stocky italian had become her rock since the truth had emerged. He was almost always capable of distracting her quite easily and on the rare occasion that he couldn't, he never grumbled or complained about holding her as she shed her tears. He had been completely supportive and wonderful and Hermione made sure to let him know that she was grateful on a daily basis, though he always waved her off as if it was no trouble.

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The unexpected friends ended up returning to his apartment for a movie and junk food binge, as they often did on the days following her therapy appointments. Blaise, she had discovered throughout the course of their friendship, had a particular soft spot for chick flicks and they had just finished watching Mean Girls when Blaise went into the kitchen to get some more snacks. Hermione remained in the living room, looking through his DVD collection when she froze at the sound of an all too familiar, arrogant drawl.

"I swear, mate, these girls don't possess a single brain cell betwe-"

Hermione stood frozen, concentrating her eyes on an unrecognised DVD spine, unable to look at him as he suddenly stopped talking. Presumably had spotted her from the doorway of Blaise's living room. Feeling her emotions threaten to overwhelm her and her heart begin to pound in her chest, Hermione turned abruptly and frantically gathered her belongings before rushing in the direction of Blaise's fireplace, desperate to escape.

"Granger?" Draco spoke, just as she was about to step into the flames.

She turned slowly to look at him and desperately tried to restrain her tears at the cold look in his eyes and the sneer that curled his lips unattractively.

"Might want to invest in a hairbru-"

Draco didn't get to finish his sentence before she threw herself forward and dissappeared, sobbing, away from the apartment. Draco sighed and pulled his hand from his pocket, where he had shoved it at the sight of her in an attempt to hide the fact that he was shaking, and brought it up to cover his eyes. Dragging it roughly down his face, he turned and almost jumped out of his skin when he saw Blaise leaning against the doorframe into the kitchen, glaring at him.

"Was there really any need for that?" Blaise snapped angrily and Draco shrugged.

"What was she doing here?" Draco returned, apparently unaffected.

"We were watching movies." Blaise told him curtly, turning away from his friend and disappearing into the kitchen before shouting back, "Where have you been, Draco?"

Blaise rolled his eyes when he heard Draco snicker as he sauntered into his kitchen. His friend leaned against the wall next to the door and dropped his head back against it, smirking.

"Oh you know. Here and there." He said arrogantly and Blaise turned on him, angry at his nonchalant behaviour.

"Slagging it around, I hear?" He growled, barging past Draco and entering his living room, exhaustedly collapsing onto the sofa.

He heard Draco's footsteps cross the room and sit in one of the armchairs. Turning his gaze on him, he watched as his blonde friend clasped his hands behind his head and grinned. How the hell had Hermione ever fallen for this prick?

"I'm young, free and single, mate." Draco shrugged, as though it could excuse his ignorant attitude. Blaise rolled his eyes.

"You never fail to amaze me, you know that?" He muttered and Draco laughed.

"Well I am pretty damn amazing." The blonde snickered and Blaise felt his heckles rise.

"Your ability to be more of a prick than even I expect you to be is... Incredible." The italian informed his friend who turned to him, scowling.

"I'm just enjoying life, mate." He said simply and Blaise chuckled ruefully.

"You were enjoying life with the woman you wanted to marry just over two months ago, now you suddenly want to spread your seed as far and wide as possible?" Blaise asked incredulously.

"I could never marry... Her." Draco muttered, vaguely indicating the fireplace with a wave of his hand.

Blaise stood up and shook his head at his friend, sighing. Draco seemed to have reverted back to the ignorant arsehole he had been in school, leaving a trail of broken hearts behind him and not even appearing to care. It amazed Blaise that his friend could do such a one-eighty in such a small space of time, especially considering that Hermione was still bereft from the loss of him.

"Word of advice, Draco?" Blaise said, crossing to the floo and Draco cocked his brow. "Get your fucking act together."

With that, Blaise threw some powder into the flames and stepped in. He uttered his destination and span away, noting how the last thing he saw was Draco sitting in his armchair with his head hung. Hopefully, maybe, Draco would realise what he was destroying. Blaise knew that Hermione needed him a damn sight more than Draco did right now, so he was heading, once again, to hold a girl who deserved so much better than the life she had endured.

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 **AN:**

 **This is the sequel, or main part, carrying on from my other story 'Secrets and Lies'.**

 **That story gave us the back story and this is the road to Hermione's recovery.**

 **Let me know what you think!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two.**

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Blaise Zabini was not unused to female attention. In fact, he garnered it wherever he went, which would have been fine, if he wasn't attracted to men and Hermione didn't endure the brunt of other women's jealousy. Shop assistants glared at her when she entered with the attractive Italian and girls on the street whispered behind her back, saying horrible things about her that she pretended not to hear but obviously she did, because he heard them too.

"You know they're just jealous, right?" Blaise asked kindly as he shuffled into the booth opposite his friend in the Leaky Cauldron. Hermione snorted and he shook his head, "No seriously, girls are bitchy. You really shouldn't listen to anything they have to say."

Hermione shook her head as Blaise stood and crossed to the bar to order their drinks and food. She knew that he was most likely correct, but it didn't make it any easier to avoid taking peoples spiteful words to heart. Every time she had been seen in public with Blaise, despite there not being even a hint of a romantic connection between the pair, whispers and gossip had followed them relentlessly. Hermione wasn't blind. She saw how women looked at Blaise and she would find it hilarious, due to his sexuality, if she wasn't on the receiving end of their glares just for being friends with him.

She knew why this happened, of course. Blaise was the first (and only) man that had been seen with Hermione Granger since her brief and disastrous romantic tryst with Ronald Weasley. She knew that people would be interested in whoever it was she ended up connected with but, gossip would always follow here wherever she went and whatever she did, but this all just reminded her of the reason she had created Eloise to start with.

She was craving the annonymity that came with being somebody else. She wanted to dissappear and to blend in to the background, be ignored. The fame that came with being a war heroine had pushed her in this direction before and, well, just look where it had gotten her; in therapy, grieving for a love she would never get back and without her oldest friends. This feeling was dangerous, and she noted that she definitely needed to talk to Julia about it on Monday.

"Here you are lovely!" Blaise trilled, pushing a tankard of Butterbeer in front of her. "What's on that big ol' mind of yours?" he chuckled as he sat opposite her.

"I'm starting to want to be annonymous again." Hermione muttered, taking a sip of her drink and looking up at her friend. "It's how I felt before Eloise. It's a dangerous thing to be thinking."

"I can understand, though." Blaise nodded and she furrowed her brows at him. "Seriously. I can't imagine what it's like to be recognised everywhere you go for something that you had no choice in." Hermione shrugged.

"It's not like I'd change what we did," she told him, "I just wish that people would move on already. It's been 6 years now!"

"Yeah, it has." Blaise nodded in agreement, "But people are grateful. You're the female face of the winning side of the War. People aren't likely to forget that in a hurry."

"I wish they would!" Hermione snorted, "Hey, I don't think I've ever asked you what you did during the war? I know you weren't a Death Eater and I don't think you were with the order... How did you manage to stay neutral?"

"Honestly?" Blaise sighed and she nodded. "My Mum dragged be to Italy before our seventh years would have started." He shrugged. "I didn't come back until after it was over. Cowardly perhaps, but I'm still alive so that counts for something."

Hermione eyed her friend as he quietly sipped his own drink, Firewhiskey she noted, and wondered if she would have left if she had the choice. In his position, she probably would have. If she hadn't been so intrinsically tied to Harry and forced into the middle of it, and if she'd had the money and means to do so, she probably would have hopped on the plane with her parents and never looked back. It was only Harry that tied her so heavily to the War.

"That's not cowardly, honey, that's logical." Hermione told him seriously and he laughed.

"That's what my Mum said." He chuckled, "Said it wasn't our battle to fight and we should get out while we can."

"If I'd have had the means and not had a reason to stay here, I probably would have done the same thing." Hermione shrugged.

 **xxxxxxxxxx**

For the first time in as long as she could remember, Hermione found herself in her flat and wanting to make it more homely. As she looked around the blank and empty space, it left her feeling uncomfortable in a way she couldn't recall feeling in it before. There was no sign that this placed belonged to her. No photos or personal objects that defined it as her space. It was strange for Hermione to think that all of this, this entire apartment, had become such an extension of her deception.

Feeling the urge to put her mark on it, somehow, she entered into her spare bedroom and flicked her wand at the wall, smiling when a door suddenly appeared. She had done this, all those years ago, when she had first moved in. It was a way to keep her personal objects without displaying that she had them, keeping them hidden, like so much of her life. Throwing open the door to the previously hidden closet and stepping inside, Hermione kneeled before a cardboard box and pulled open the flaps. She gasped at the first thing she saw inside, smiling softly.

Pulling it out, she held it up in front of her and allowed herself to remember better times with her best friends. The photo she had in her hands had been taken over the summer between their fourth and fifth years, the summer they had spent at Grimmauld Place. She remembered the day this picture was taken, the day that she had discovered herself to be a prefect, and snorted at how important that tiny badge had seemed to them all back then. How angry Harry had felt that Ron had been chosen instead of him, how Ron had received his longed-for brand new broomstick.

The photo was of everybody who had been there that evening, at the impromptu party that Molly had thrown in honour of them being prefects, and in hindsight to celebrate the fact that Harry had not been expelled from Hogwarts for his use of the Patronus charm in Little Whinging. Sirius could be seen winking, like the dog he was, at the camera and Remus was next to him rolling his eyes at his friends antics. Tonk and Mad-Eye were seen talking in the corner of the room and the rest of the group were seen discussing whatever topics had taken their fancy that night.

What drew Hermione's eyes the most though, was herself. She couldn't believe how bright her smile was as she was featured in the middle of the photograph. One arm was flung around the shoulders of each of her best friends, and they were all laughing together over something that Hermione couldn't remember now, though she tried. It felt as though this photo could have been taken in another lifetime. A lifetime without a War that had killed half of the people in this photograph and changed the lives irrevocably of all the others.

Sighing, Hermione was shocked when she felt a lone tear roll down her cheek. Bringing her hand up and swiping it from her face, she put the photo to one side and continued looking through the box. She pulled out an undefinable number of photos, each of which held a specific memory for her and soon she found herself sobbing surrounded by photos of friends and family that she missed more than anything and felt like she would never have the opportunity to get back.

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It was in this position that Blaise discovered her a couple of hours later. He stepped into the room and frowned at the unfamiliar door, before hearing the quiet sniffles that eminated from his friend. Crouching before her, Hermione felt his strong arms encircle her and pull her to him.

"You okay?" He asked quietly, stroking soothing circles on her back, smiling when she nodded against his chest.

"I don't think I can stay in this apartment." She muttered and pulled away from him, wiping her eyes. "I think if I'm going to get better, I need to be away from the things that were around when my life fell apart, you know?"

Blaise nodded and she saw from the corner of his eye as he reached down, picking up a photo of Hermione and her parents. She saw him smile and chuckled wetly as he turned it around to face her. In the photo, Hermione could only be about five or six years old, but she remembered the day clearly. They had been to the funfair, Hermione's first time at such a place, and she had gorged on Candyfloss against their better judgement and then proceeded to take a spin on the Waltzers. Unsurprisingly, she had thrown up all over herself and the poor attendant who had been spinning her car at the time. Her parents had cried with laughter when they had realised what had happened. The evidence of what had occured could clearly be seen all over her white t-shirt in the photo, stained pink and splotchy, but all three of them were smiling widely.

"Can I just say, lovely, you were an adorable little girl." Blaise grinned and Hermione slapped him on the arm before collecting the rest of her memories and boxing them up again. All except the first photo she had found, it would be taking pride of place on her mantelpiece.

"I have an idea." Blaise spoke once they were resituated in her living room, taking sips from glasses of wine.

"Oh? Please indulge me." Hermione teased, grinning.

"I was thinking of looking for a new place as well." Blaise started and Hermione cocked an eyebrow, fully expecting what was to come. "How would you feel about pooling our resources and getting a place together?"

"Is that such a good idea? Considering the gossip?" Hermione chuckled.

The Daily Prophet had been speculating about a romantic connection between the pair ever since Hermione had started being seen with him, but yesterday's edition had just thrown all speculation aside by featuring them on the front cover under the headline 'Granger and Zabini: Love Connection' along with a photo of them at the Leaky Cauldron, holding hands and appearing to gaze adoringly at each other. Neither of them had any idea how they had got the image, as neither had seen anybody hanging around with a camera, but they had been reduced to tears of mirth when they had read the article.

It had described how she was carrying his lovechild and they were at the Leaky Cauldron to plan for their upcoming elopement. It was so off base and ridiculous that Hermione had briefly wondered whether it had been written by Rita Skeeter, but had rolled her eyes to see that it had actually been written by Parvarti Patil. Of course it would be one of the Hogwarts' gossip queens. It made so much sense.

"Oh Hermione my dear!" Blaise exclaimed dramatically dropping to his knees before her and clutching her hand to his chest, "Shall we paint the nursery pink or blue my darling?"

Hermione shrieked with laughter before agreeing to become his roommate - on one condition. That there be no nursery and she got a library instead.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three.**

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"So, I see congratulations are in order?" Julie chuckled as she led Hermione into the therapy office and watched as the woman settled down on the couch.

"Surely you don't believe everything you read in that rag?" Hermione smiled and rolled her eyes at her therapist. "I think it might have been the most ridiculous article about me yet."

Hermione heard Julia laughed and watched as the woman collected up her notes from their previous sessions before sitting in her normal chair. She liked Julia. She had instantly made her feel welcome and at ease, as did her office. Instead of the other therapists, of which she had been through seven before settling on this one, her office was light, airy and set up to feel more like a living room. It almost felt, to Hermione at least, like visiting a friend for a cup of coffee and a chat. A friend who wrote copious notes about you, prescribed you drugs and was paid to listen to your worries, but a friend just the same.

"How has your week been, Hermione?" Julia asked kindly and Hermione shrugged.

"Eventful, I suppose." Hermione chuckled, turning to the older woman. "I saw Dr- him again, for the first time."

"And how did that particular meeting go?" the therapist enquired and Hermione shook her head sadly.

She had cried for hours after their very brief encounter at Blaise's apartment. When she got home she had found just enough strength to drag herself to her sofa before curling in on herself and sobbing her heart out. Blaise had come through about twenty minutes later and silently pulled her head onto his lap and sat up with her into the early hours, stroking her hair. She hadn't asked what had happened after she left. In truth, she wasn't sure that she wanted to know.

"As expected." Hermione shrugged. "He sneered and insulted me. I cried, left and stayed up all night."

"Do you think that is a healthy coping mechanism, Hermione?" Julia frowned and Hermione shook her head.

"It's all I've got, though." She admitted and watched as the woman made some notes before turning to her with a smile.

"Would you like to talk about that, or is there something else you feel you need to discuss?" She asked patiently.

"I'm beginning to find myself yearning for annonymity again." Hermione admitted with a sigh. "The same way I felt before Eloise appeared."

"Do you think you would go down that road again?" Julia asked and Hermione snorted.

"God, no!" She exclaimed. "Look where it got me!"

"It's good that you have come to understand that, but would you care to tell me how you arrived at that conclusion?" The older woman urged and Hermione sighed, leaning her elbows against her knees and focusing her gaze on a particularly knot in the woodgrain of the coffee table in front of her.

"For five years I lived a lie that not only threatened to tear me apart, but threatened to destroy every relationship I had." She muttered, hearing the pen scratch against the clipboard as Julia recorded what she was saying. "I mean, I know I had Dr- him, but I had to hide it from everybody else I cared for. I lost my best friends and now I don't know who I am any more because I spent so long pretending to be someone else."

"So how do you plan to cope with the attention you receive?" Julia asked once she had finished writing.

"The same way anybody does when they're in the public eye, I suppose." Hermione nodded, leaning back into the couch. Julia raised her eyebrow and Hermione snorted. "Grin and bear and find some way to make the most of it."

"How do you plan to 'make the most of it'?" her therapist asked and Hermione shrugged.

"I haven't thought of anything yet, but I'm sure I'll tell you when I do." She smiled and Julia chuckled.

"You seem to be in higher spirits this week, much better than I can recall you being in any of our previous sessions, at least." Julia noted, "Do you think the increased dosage of your Anti-Depressant potion is having the desired effect?"

"I assume so," Hermione nodded, "I feel better. Nothing has really changed, but everything is beginning to feel a bit brighter."

"That is excellent news." Julia said, turning sharply when the timer alerted them that their hour had come to an end.

"Same time next week?" Hermione asked as she pushed up from the couch, and Julia nodded.

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"Have you untied that knot you've got in your wand mate, or are you still pissed at me?" Draco asked his Italian friend from across the table.

"Don't be a twat, Draco." Blaise muttered, sipping his drink, "You know that you've been acting like a douche."

Blaise had dragged Draco into the Leaky with him when they had bumped into each other in Diagon Alley. He knew that the two of them needed to have a proper discussion about what had been happening and since Draco had been completely ignoring his Owls, Blaise had seized his opportunity and decided that that talk had to be now, or it might never happen.

"Don't you care about her at all, Draco?" He asked seriously and noticed his friend fidget nervously in his chair before he spoke.

"She didn't care about me when she lied to me for five years." He growled.

"Of course she bloody did." Blaise rolled his eyes. "The woman was, is, in love with you. How can you even begin to convince yourself that she didn't care?"

"So why didn't she just tell me the truth?" Draco asked, angry.

Blaise sighed and shook his head. He knew that Draco was stubborn, he always had been. He was also prideful and those two things were a disastrous pairing. How could he explain it to his friend in a way that made him understand why Hermione had done these things? How could he get Draco to comprehend what his reaction would have done to her? Had done to her?

"Can you be honest with me? And tell me the truth?" Blaise asked, cocking his brow and Draco nodded. "Would you have approached her, in the club, if she had looked like herself?"

"Probably not." Draco muttered after a long pause, "What does that have to do with what she did though?"

Oh god, he could really be an idiot at times.

"If she had revealed to you who she really was, would you have continued to see her?" Blaise asked and sighed when Draco shook his head. "There's your reason then."

"I mean, I might have..." Draco mumbled.

"No, you wouldn't. Draco, we both know that you are too prideful to admit that you're wrong. She may have lied to you, but she had her reasons. She knew that you would never give her a chance in her own skin so she chose to do what she could to keep you." Blaise shrugged and Draco sighed.

"Is she... I mean... How is Granger?" he muttered and Blaise snapped his eyes up to look at his friend.

"Heartbroken, broken in general, lonely." Blaise listed, "She's been going to therapy every week."

"Therapy?" Draco gasped as his eyes widened.

"Of course, mate. She's messed up, big time. She's lost everyone that she ever cared about. That alone would mess anybody up." Blaise shrugged, downing what was left of his drink.

"What about Potter and Weasel? Surely they're still pandering to her every whim?" Draco sneered and Blaise rolled his eyes.

"She hasn't spoken to them in over two months, Draco." Blaise informed him and saw as Draco gulped.

"Well..." Draco muttered, "Thats... Unexpected."

"You should know that I'm moving in with her soon. We're looking for a place together." Blaise informed him, snorting when his friend gaped at him.

"Why the fuck would you do that?" Draco blurted.

"I'm all she's got left, mate." Blaise shrugged. "I'm not going to let her struggle alone."

Conversation soon turned onto less serious topics, and Blaise was dismayed to hear about Draco's newly rediscovered love of the playboy lifestyle. He had always hated hearing of the blonde's conquests, knowing himself that women deserved to be treated so much better than Draco had ever treated anyone, except Eloise. In internally wished to push Draco into realising that Hermione was coming to the point at which she would begin to move on from him, leaving Draco to realise what he had lost, but he knew that Draco would never admit to such a thing even if it were the truth. Hermione was the best thing that could have ever happened to his friend, and Draco was so wrapped up in external beauty ideals that he failed to see the glaring truth: Hermione was everything that Draco had loved about Eloise, she just wasn't the blonde bombshell that Draco wanted on his arm. It was sickening, frankly.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four.**

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Hermione stood in the middle of Diagon Alley clinging painfully tightly to Blaise's arm as her eyes refused to move away from the face of her former best friend. It was shocking to her how much it physically hurt to see Harry but feel unable to approach him. They had always had such an easy relationship. Harry had always known her better than anyone, at least until she had gotten lost in her own web of lies, and now to see him and feel like she couldn't talk to him... It really hurt.

As she watched, feeling her body start to shake and her eyes start to sting. Even though there were people rushing all around her, she could only focus her attention on Harry. She vaguely felt Blaise's arm encircle her shoulders and turn her to move her away, but before he could he was jerked suddenly away from here by a familiar, fuming red head.

"I see you've moved on to the next snake, eh 'Mione?" Ron snarled as she stumbled, barely being caught by Blaise who lunged towards her.

"Back off, Weasley." The italian snarled, holding Hermione by the waist, aware that she was struggling to hold herself up under the glare of her friend. "You don't know what you're talking about." He turned to Hermione, softening his features, "You okay, lovely?"

Hermione nodded shakily and turned to look at Ron, noticing that Harry was approaching from behind him. Harry looked nowhere near as angry as Ron, but she could tell that he was definitely uncomfotable with the confrontation that his best friend had started.

"Ron," Harry hissed, putting his hand on the red head's shoulder and trying to pull him back, "Ron, leave it."

"At least this one knows what you really look like, huh?" Ron snapped, jabbing his finger towards her, "Don't have to make yourself pretty for this one?"

"Back the fuck off, Weasley." Blaise growled, standing protectively in front of a silent Hermione. He could feel her shaking against his back. "Seriously, I'm warning you..."

"Or what, Zabini?" Ron snickered, "Feel like sticking up for the latest Slytherin slapper?"

Suddenly, Hermione was left alone in the middle of the street as Blaise threw himself towards Ron and had apparently caught the red head off guard, because she watched wide eyed as he pinned Ron to the wall with a hand pressed against his throat. The crowd around them had fallen silent and stopped what they were doing to watch as the attractive Italian stuck up for the Gryffindor princess against the two most famour Gryffindor's alive. It wasn't every day you saw people crossing such well defined house barriers.

Ron looked terrified, which wasn't surprising as Blaise was built like a truck. He had to look up to meet Ron's eyes, but he clearly overpowered her old friend and she was pleased that she had him to protect her. She shouldn't ever have needed a bodyguard, but she was glad to know that she was safe with him.

"Listen here, and listen good, Weasley." Blaise growled, inches from his face. "I would be less interested in what's between her legs and more in what's between yours. I have no interest in her except protecting her from bastards like you. Got it?"

Hermione watched as Ron's eyes widened even further at what Blaise had told him, clearly unaware that Blaise was more likely to find him attractive in that way than he ever did her. She heard a few of the people that had gathered around them gasp at his admission, too, and moved to stop him but he swung his hand out to halt her without so much as glancing at her.

"Unless you plan to apologise to Hermione for your despicable behaviour I never, and I do mean never, want to see you go anywhere near her again." He snarled, "She doesn't deserve to hear those kind of words from anyone, letalone someone who once claimed to be in love with her. Am I clear?"

Ron nodded weakly and attempted to pull away from Blaise but he increased the pressure of his hand around his throat, causing Ron to gasp for breath and his face to pale. Blaise repeated his question. Ron nodded.

"Crystal." He gasped.

Blaise released the red head's throat and Hermione watched as Ron bent double and gripped his knees, gasping for breath and glaring at her Italian friend. Blaise walked to her and draped his hand around her shoulders, turning to face the rest of the people who had congregated at the first sign of trouble. His gaze focused on Harry and Hermione saw her raven haired friend gulp as Blaise stared at him.

"Hermione..." Harry whispered, stepping nervously towards her, his eyes flicking to the man who was so protective of her, worried that he might be his next target. "I'll owl you, okay?"

Hermione couldn't find words to speak, but she nodded and smiled weakly at him. Hermione felt herself being turned and steered through the crowd but she was unseeing and unhearing, trying to discern how a day out with her friend had gone so wrong. It was just supposed to be a calm and happy shopping trip, but it had decended into madness quite rapidly.

 **xxxxxxxxxx**

Harry was watching her as she glanced around the Three Broomsticks, where he had chosen for them to meet. She hadn't been able to meet his eye yet, but she could feel the intense heat of his stare in the side of her head. It hurt her, to feel this utterly terrified at the thought of being near him, but it had been so long since they had spoken that she really didn't know what to say. He had owled her a week ago, saying that they really needed to talk about everything. He'd also said that he missed her, which had been the main reason she had come today. She couldn't deny that she missed him too.

"I'm glad you came." Harry said quietly and she turned, nervously, to look at him.

"Are you?" She whispered and he nodded.

"I know I've been... Well I've not been the best." He muttered, "But I have missed you Hermione."

"I've missed you too." Hermione replied, turning her gaze down to the table and trying to stop her knee from bouncing with nerves.

She wanted him to start the deep conversation. He really needed to speak soon or she would get up from the table and walk away from him. Her nerves were shot, wondering what questions he would ask. She couldn't take it.

"Harry, why did you invite me here?" She asked, faking bravery that she definitely didn't feel and heard him sigh.

"I need to know... Why?" He grimaced. "Why him? Why did you lie to us all? Him included?"

"He made me feel... Something?" Hermione stammered, before sighing and dropping her head back in the booth. "Beautiful. He made me feel beautiful. And wanted, desired. Thing's I never expected to feel. I lied because... Ugh this is hard."

"It's alright, keep going." Harry said, softer than she had expected and she snapped her gaze onto him, seeing a gentle smile on his face. "I'm listening."

"I like because you wouldn't ever understand." She sighed, "I lied because I felt like I'd have to choose between you. I lied to him because I knew he could never love me like this." She pointed to herself. "I lied because I've been told my whole life how bloody average and plain I am and he didn't see me like that. No he didn't see Eloise like that. Me? I'm just the fucking swot that he despises."

And swiped away angry tears on her face and paused, trying to gather her thoughts. She was surprised when Harry offered his hand over the table and tentatively put hers into it. His fingers closed around hers and she choked around a sob.

"I lied because I felt like that was my only choice." She croaked and covered her face with her free hand, letting herself cry.

She felt the bench shift next to her and found herself being pulled into a familiar embrace. Laying her head against Harry's chest, sobbing as she inhaled his familiar scent and felt at home for the first time in months.

"If he can't love you as you are right now," Harry whispered into her hair, "Then he doesn't deserve you at all."

"Th- then why d- d- do I still miss h- h- him?" She sobbed.

Hermione broke down in the arms of her best friend.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five.**

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 **AN: Upsetting scenes.**

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Draco watched as his latest vapid bedmate dressed and left his room without so much as a goodbye. He sighed and rolled over, closing his eyes, squeezing them tightly when a vision of a beautiful blonde flashed before them. Opening them, he growled. It hadn't escaped him that every single woman he had slept with over the last couple of months, and there had been many, had been blonde. He knew, deep down, that he was trying to find a replacement. But it was impossible. They were all too vapid, too empty, too interested in his money and his connections. She had never wanted any of that. She had just wanted him.

He rolled over and opened the top drawer of his bedside table and pulled out a crumpled, stained piece of parchment that was far too familiar to him. He had read this letter at least once a day, as much as he tried to avoid it. He couldn't help himself. It was like a magnet pulling him in and tempting him. He unfolded it and a photo fell out. Smiling shakily, he picked it up and gazed into the eyes that he still dreamed of every night.

Wondering something, he picked up his wand and nervously flicked it at the photo, gasping as the changes he had made took effect. Where the hair of the girl in the photo had been blonde, it had been replaced with brown hair and he felt his stomach flip and his heart clench as he took in what he saw. She hadn't changed anything... She had only ever changed her hair. Blaise had asked what else was so different about her that he couldn't love... And suddenly he couldn't seperate the blonde he had fallen for and the brunette he had always thought he hated.

Everything that he loved in Eloise was a part of Hermione. Her story had been false, sure. Her friends had different names and perhaps she had lied to protect them. She had lied to protect herself. He knew that Blaise was right that he would never have given a chance if she had been herself, and now he was kicking himself for it. Was she as wonderful as she had appeared for those five years? She must be. Noone can hide such intrinsic parts of themselves for five years.

He closed his eyes and let the photo drop to the floor as he hung his head. The women he had taken into his bed had been nothing compared to the girl he had lost. It was true that he could never get that girl back. But there was a girl out there who had loved him so deeply that she had covered up who she was for fear of rejection. And he had rejected her, in the worst way possible. The only words he had spoken to her since he had discovered who she really was had been a half assed insult because that was how he was programmed to react to her.

Could his programming be changed? Could he look at her and stop comparing her and hunting for who she had pretended to be? Had the lies been too much, had it erased all the good that they had shared? They had shared it, those experiences and moments hadn't been erased because she looked different. Her thoughts had been her own, her words had come from her heart and he had taken that heart and... Shattered it.

Reading her letter again, he sighed. He wondered where she was, what she was doing. He wondered if she ever thought of him and smiled. Was she hurting? It couldn't be true that her friends had abandoned her, could it? That was unbelievable, if it turned out to be true.

He loved her. He had lost her.

 **xxxxxxxxxx**

"Potter?" Blaise gasped as he looked up to his floo. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"Uh..." Harry muttered, glancing around the apartment. "Hermione sent me?"

Blaise jumped up from his spot on the couch at the mention of his friend. He knew that she was meeting the man before him today and had been wondering what was taking so long, but he had no idea what he would be doing here. Had something happened?

"Is Hermione okay?" He snapped, looking concerned.

"She's asleep at mine. She uh... She had a breakdown at the pub and I took her there. I wanted to talk to you, about her, actually." Harry stuttered, nervous around new friend of Hermione's. Blaise smirked.

"Don't look so nervous Potter," he chuckled, "As long as you're gonna be a friend to her, we won't have any problems."

Blaise watched as Harry's entire body relaxed and he slumped into a nearby chair. He was glad that Potter was scared off him, it meant that Ron was, too. He had been beyond angry with the way that Ron had spoken to Hermione that day in Diagon Alley. His body had reacted before his brain, but once it had caught up, it had backed his body completely. She had been so scared at seeing them again and his heart hurt to imagine how much Ron's words would have stung.

"What's up?" Blaise asked, taking his seat again and eyeing the black haired man.

"Has she... I mean how has she been doing? Really?" Harry asked, grimacing. "She didn't say much before she broke today, and I just... I'm worried about her."

"Not great, Potter." Blaise sighed, leaning forward on his knees and frowning. "She's missed her best friends, she misses the man she loves. She's had only me to talk to, and her therapist obviously-"

"Therapist?" Harry interrupted, "She's going to therapy?" Blaise nodded.

"Ever since she was released from Mungo's... She's on an Anti-Depressant potion, too."

Blaise watched as Harry groaned and brought his hands up to his face, dragging them across his five o'clock shadow roughly. He looked pained by the thought of his friend being in such a bad place. Blaise could also read the guilt in his eyes, too. He considered it to be a good thing, it meant that he realised how much it hurt Hermione to have been without him for such a long time.

"I honestly had no idea things were this bad." Harry muttered, meeting his eye, "And the therapy, is it helping?"

"I think so," Blaise shrugged, "I think the only thing that will really help is time."

"Is Malfoy... I mean is he... What's he doing in all this?" Harry gasped.

"She's only seen him once since they split, and he insulted her. Same old bastard." Blaise growled.

"I know that I had my reasons to be angry with her, but he does realise she did this all for him, right?" Harry asked anxiously. Blaise shook his head.

"He can't get over the fact that she turned out to be... Her." Harry growled and opened his mouth to speak but Blaise held up his hand to stop him, "I've called him out on it, believe me. I've tried to make him understand but he's either too stubborn or proud to see that she is still who he thought her to be."

"She loves him, you know." Harry sighed, "She is utterly lost to him and it's killing her to see him hate her again."

"Is that what she said?" Blaise groaned as Harry nodded. "He's such a twat."

"Can we do anything?" Harry asked hopefully.

"Teaming up with the snake now, Potter?" Blaise snickered but sobered quickly, shaking his head. "He's off with his slags, and she is slowly dying without him, trust me, I can see it. I don't know what we can do, but we need to do something."

Harry nodded his agreement.

 **xxxxxxxxxx**

Hermione stared at the full vial of Anti-Depressant potion that she pulled out of her handback as though it could answer all of her prayers. In a way, she supposed it could. She pulled the cork and held it in front of her, watching as the light from the window shone through the blue liquid. This next act would make her happy, as she was sure the potion was designed to do, it would take her away from the pain that weighed her down.

She was reluctant to do this for two reasons. Two men who cared about her, who loved her in their own ways. But it was the love of another man that drove her to be here, alone, in her friends house, contemplating the purposeful end to her life. A love that she would never know again and didn't think she could ever be capable of living without.

Glancing at the note she had left on the dresser, she hoped that they could forgive her one last time for this. She couldn't bare to be buried with nobody to stand for her. She briefly wondered if it would be possible for her to know if anyone had come to see her lowered into the ground... But even if she never found out, at least it wouldn't hurt any more.

Lifting the glass vial to her trembling lip, she drank down the liquid and winced at the taste of it. If two drops was enough to help her struggle through the day, she hoped that the whole vial would be enough to take her pain away altogether...

 **xxxxxxxxxx**

Draco pulled open the front door to the manor as the pounding continued.

"You need to come to St Mungo's." Said the Italian man on his doorstep without waiting for him to speak.

"Hermione has tried to take her own life." The black haired man said from next to him.

Fuck.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six.**

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"We've flushed her system of the potion," The healer informed the three men, who nodded. "I would like to recommend she be kept in for observation though, in our mental health unit."

Three identical gasps could be heard at this piece of information. Blaise glanced between the men on either side of him and saw the same reaction on both faces, concern and fear. He had been fraught with worry for hours, ever since he had gone to collect his friend from Harry's house and found her unresponsive in his guest bedroom, along with a simple note.

Blaise and Harry,

I am so lost without him.

I'm sorry.

Forgive me.

I love you.

That had been it, and he thought his heart had stopped in his chest when he realised the implications of such a note. God, how he wanted to kill him himself for making him feel like that. The idea of a world without Hermione Granger was unthinkable. She was too strong, too powerful, too wonderful for everything to fall apart like this and he needed her to wake up so he could tell her all of these things. But she wasn't waking up.

He had apparated her directly to St Mungo's and screamed for a healer to come and make her wake up. He had given them the empty potion vial and told them that it was an Anti-Depressant potion, and it had been full that morning. Their worried looks were enough make him sick to his stomach and when Harry had appeared next to him, they had looked at each other and dissappeared directly to the one person who could fix this. The one person she needed more than any other. The one man who could make her whole again.

To be fair to him, Draco had come with them immediately and had not left her side since. He looked utterly miserable and privately Blaise wondered if this was the one thing that might make him see sense. Even if they managed to become friends from this, and only friends, he thought that just having him in her life would be enough for her. He hoped that it would be enough for her. Watching his friends face as he listened to the latest information though... He saw love for her in his eyes.

"What happened?" Draco whispered once the healer had left, turning to Blaise and Draco who sat on the opposite side of her bed.

"You did." Harry muttered and Draco made a noise that none of the three recognised. Somewhere between a cough and a moan.

"Why would she do this?" He whispered, turning his eyes to her peaceful face, one which neither Blaise or Harry had seen in... Years.

Blaise pulled her note from his pocket and handed it to Draco. He watched as his friend took in her few words and saw a lone tear fall from his eye. Draco's hand rose and rubbed over his face roughly, likely trying not to appear weak in front of his once enemy sitting across from him and he turned to Blaise.

"This is why she lied." He muttered.

"Gee, ya think?" Harry snapped.

"Potter," Blaise groaned, nodding to Hermione's still form when the man turned to him. "Now isn't the time, okay?"

The room fell silent as the three men watched over her unconscious body, keeping vigil for any sign of life from her. Blaise occasionally cast his gaze over one of the other occupants in the room and they both looked like they were desperate for her to wake up, just as he felt.

"I could love her, you know?" Draco's croaky voice disturbed the peace of the room.

"You're just realising this now?" Harry sighed, "You've loved her for six years, Malfoy, you just didn't know it."

"Remember when you told me they looked alike?" Draco asked, sighing as he turned to Blaise. "I didn't listen. But I changed the hair on this photo and I realised..." he muttered, pulling the photo he had been looking at in bed earlier from his pocket and handing it to Blaise, who showed Harry.

"I don't think I've ever seen her smile like this." He murmured and Harry nodded his agreement.

"She looks so happy there." Harry sighed, "When was this taken?" he asked Draco who smiled gently.

"The night I first told her I loved her." he admitted, hearing Harry gasp.

 **xxxxxxxxxx**

Hermione could hear voices, though for the life of her she couldn't recognise them. She opened her eyes and looked around, taking in where she had ended up. She couldn't figure out if she was dreaming or if she was really seeing what was in front of her. There were familiar voices, but as far as the eye could see before her was... Blank. Nothing. No colours, no shape... Just blank, empty, lonely whiteness.

She tried to move her head and her gaze, but no matter what direction she felt herself turn or how her eyes moved, the sight never changed. The voices floated in and out, never specific, and though Hermione tried her best to focus in on them, they were always crackled and fuzzy, like the sound of a radio that wasn't tuned in properly.

Was this the afterlife? If this was her afterlife, why was it so blank? Why was she so alone? Where was the person sent to greet her? Why wasn't she somewhere familiar with a friendly face offering her the choice to remain here or go back? Wasn't that what Harry had described his near death experience to be? Wasn't that what she had always imagined she would find when she arrived at a point post death? Would this blank white space be her forever now? Oh god, she hoped not.

"...she do this..."

Was that Draco's voice?

"...now isn't the..."

That sounded like Blaise!

"...she looks so happy..."

Oh god that's Harry.

Hermione focused on those voices and held all the love she felt for those three men in her heart and mind. She needed to reach them, she needed to know if this was real or if she was imagining this. Was Draco with her? Oh she seriously hoped for it to be true but she didn't know how... Why would he be here.

Her hand felt far too warm and heavy. She tried to lift it but the impulse failed to travel from her brain to her hand. Focusing on her heavy heart and sending the love she felt directly into her hand, she willed herself, she begged herself to move. She promised herself that if she could escape this blank empty whiteness she would do anything she could to never return. Squeezing her eyes shut, she focused all of her strength on her hand and...

 **xxxxxxxxxx**

"Granger?" Draco gasped, causing both Blaise and Harry to snap their heads up from where they had been dozing against their chests.

"What? What happened?" Harry asked sharply, turning his eyes to Hermione's face.

"I thought... There! Look!" Blaise stood from his chair and rounded the hospital bed, focussing his attention on where Draco was pointing.

"What?" Harry asked again, looking to Blaise.

"Her finger, look," Blaise murmered, pointing to her pinky finger and Harry leaned across her body to look, "it's twitching!"

"Is she coming round, do you think?" Harry asked, turning to look at her face and gasping when he saw her eyes moving underneath her eyelids.

"I'll get a healer." Blaise muttered and sped from the room, hearing the two other men calling her name as he left.

He returned five minutes later and watched as the healer flicked his wand over her and smiled before turning to Blaise.

"You'll be pleased to know that her brain is dragging her from unconscousness... It might take a while but-"

"Dr-ay" Came an almost silent whisper and all four men snapped their heads up to look at her closely.

 **xxxxxxxxxx**

Hermione willed herself to say something, anything. It didn't matter what she said as long as she said something. Those voices had called her back from wherever she had been and she needed to know if they were real. She needed to hear them again to know whether they had been imagined by herself or whether they were actually near.

"Draco?" She tried to whisper.

"Hermione?" Came a familiar voice, though it wasn't the one she had asked for.

Forcing herself to open her eyes, Hermione looked up at the tiled ceiling and became aware that wherever she was it was almost silent, too silent. She felt heavy, like something was tied around her chest and weighing her down towards the floor. Her thoughts were stilted and muffled, as though they were coming too slowly to her and her heartbeat felt painful in her chest. She thought she could feel the flow of blood within her veins. In short, she knew that she was alive.

She used all of her willpower, focused her energy on her head and, suppressing the urge to fall asleep that had been present since she had woken up in the white place, she groaned as she felt her head roll to the side, as though it was too heavy, too much for her neck to support.

"Blaise." She uttered, not hearing her own voice.

"I'm here, Hermione." Blaise whispered and Hermione felt warmth against her cheek as his face came closer to hers. His breath skimmed across her skin as she felt his lips brush her forehead and blinked her eyes shut before forcing them to open again.

"Who else?" She croaked, feeling it tear at her throat as she spoke.

Blaise moved back slightly and she saw two people, concerned and wide eyed, standing behind him. They were opposites in every way. Where one was pale one was tanned, one had colourful warm eyes and one had grayscale eyes that were usually so cold. Blonde and black.

"Harry." She whispered.

"Hey Hermione." He smiled, though his eyes swam with tears and she felt a warm presence on her hand, pressure there when he squeezed. She tried to squeeze his hand back but she could only manage to brush her finger along his before her energy ran out.

"Draco." She whimpered as her lip wobbled of it's own accord and the pale, blonde man nodded as he brushed a lone finger under his eye.

"I'm not going anywhere." He promised quietly, before Hermione's eyes closed once more.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven.**

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One thing that was causing the most concern was her lack of strength. Even when she was awake and looking at them, she never squeezed his or Harry's hand when they held hers, and she struggled to move her head to turn to look at them, oftentimes requiring their help in oder to turn her gaze. Today would make a week since she had been brought in, and they were desperate for her to turn the corner in the fight for her life. They'd said it had something to do with the potion ingredients being ingested in such large amounts, but none of them had really digested the information properly.

Blaise returned to her hospital room that morning with three cups of shitty hospital coffee in his hands to find two sleeping men and one, remarkably, awake woman. He froze as he spotted her, she was sitting up, supported by the bed and she smiled softly when he entered, pointing to her throat, mouthing 'damage'.

"Oh, god, Hermione!" Blaise muttered, quickly depositing the coffee on the table next to her bed and pulling her to him as he sat on the edge of the bed.

He felt her chuckling against him, but her voice never came, and he pushed her away from him, holding her by the shoulders. Her movements were sluggish, but she looked far more awake than any of them had seen her over the last week. She was smiling gently at him and he ran his hands down her hair and pulled her back against him.

"We've been so bloody worried!" He gasped as he clutched her.

He felt her hands push against his chest and released her allowing her to pull away. He watched her eyes as they glanced at Draco and turned her gaze back to him with her eyebrow raised as if to say 'including him?' Blaise nodded, chuckling.

"Even him." He agreed and she looked back at Draco, smiling. "Where is your voice, lovely?"

Hermione looked to him and gestured to her hands, where she was mimicking the movement of writing and he understood immediately. He held his finger up, indicating for her to wait and she nodded. He dashed out of the room and asked the healers at the desk for a piece of paper and a pen, before returning and handing it to her. He watched her write before handing it to him and he read it.

Healers gave me a drug to force me to wake up. They said it could damage my vocal chords, apparently it has.

"Will you get your voice back?" He asked, handing the paper back to her and read it when she handed it back.

No idea. Hopefully, but if not then I'll deal with it. I'm glad to be alive.

"Oh god." Blaise muttered, leaning in and pressing a kiss to her forehead. "Me too, lovely. Me too."

"Hermione?" Harry gasped, and Blaise turned to see him sitting wide eyed, ram rod straight in his chair. His knuckles were white where he gripped the arms of it.

"Her voice has gone, Potter." Blaise informed him and the man turned to him.

"Gone, what do you mean, gone?" Harry blustered.

Blaise pointed to the piece of parchment and Hermione nodded as she handed it to him. He took it and handed it to Harry who read it and gasped.

"Oh Hermione..." He uttered, standing and sitting on the opposite side of the bed to Blaise, pulling her into a hug.

Hermione hugged him briefly before pushing him away and shrugging, with her lips curved into a 'what are you going to do?' kind of smile.

"Can I get a minute with Gra- Uh, Hermione, please?" Came a soft drawling voice from behind Blaise and he turned around to see a worried Draco watching the scene. He nodded, turning to Hermione who smiled softly at him and nodded back. Blaise grabbed Harry by the shoulder and sighed in relief when he, albeit reluctantly, followed him out of the room.

 **xxxxxxxxxx**

"What were you thinking?" Draco asked, sounding angry and hurt.

Hermione looked at him and saw that his eyes were full of conflicting emotions. She could see love and anger, shock and fear. It was nice to see them not look at her so coldly but she longed to see him look at her the way he had used to. She pointed to the parchment and held her hand open, palm up. Draco leaned across her and she squeezed her eyes shut at the sudden closeness of him. Silently breathing a sigh of relief when he pulled away and handed her the parchment, she wrote on it before handing it to him.

I don't know how to be without you any more. I'm trying, though.

She watched as he sighed and ran his hand through his hair before turning to look at her. He looked... Defeated. Resigned to a fate, almost. Hermione winced and pulled the cover up higher to wrap herself up, defending her heart from what was surely to come.

"I think I finally understand why you did it, you know?." He sighed, not moving his gaze from her and she gave a self depreciating shrug and mouthed 'I don't. Draco smiled slightly before continuing. "People do crazy things for the people they love, I guess." he shrugged.

Hermione watched him hopefully. Hoping that maybe this could be a fresh start for them, perhaps they could learn about each other all over again.

"I'm still angry with you." He said suddenly, shocking her when his hand hesitantly rested on hers, "You have caused me so much hurt, and I've done some stupid things to try and cover it. But I don't want you to think that I've completely abandoned you. I want to be in your life."

Hermione was wide eyed as she felt his thumb stroke her skin and felt her eyes begin to water as she listened to him speak. She opened her mouth to reply to him, but nothing came out and she slapped her forehead, frustrated that she couldn't say what she wanted to him. She heard him chuckle and he passed her the paper.

I'm sorry.

"Five years of being madly in love with someone isn't something I can easily forget." He shrugged, smiling gently at her.

Do you think we could get that back?

"I don't know. I guess we just start again and see what happens." He smiled and she brought her hand up to cover her mouth in shock as she cried happy tears.

"Come here, you." Draco sighed, sitting himself on the edge of the bed.

Hermione practically flew at him, throwing her arms around his neck and silently sobbing into his shoulder when she felt his hands rubbing her back, soothing her and taking away her pain. She wasn't sure how long she stayed in his arms, but when she pulled back she noticed that his eyes were wet too. 'Thank you' she mouthed and he nodded, smiling.

 **xxxxxxxxxx**

Hermione had never stopped to think how difficult it would be to communicate without the use of speech. When the other two men had returned and started talking to her all at once, she had needed to hold her hand up to stop them talking and point at them in turn to ask their questions and allow her time to write her answers.

"When are you being transferred to the mental health unit?"

Wednesday, as soon as they're sure their potion to wake me up is permanent.

"Did you see anything? When you were unconscious?"

I would rather not talk about that.

"Do you still want to get a place together when you get out of here?"

Of course, you twat.

It was much easier when she had questions that they could answer. She could write them down and then sit back and listen, nodding or shaking her head in the right places, as they gave them their answers. She was shocked to see that Harry and Blaise seemed to get on rather well, and even Draco was civil to Harry, who returned the favour. Probably for her sake, but she found herself no reason to complain.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight.**

 **xxxxxxxxxx**

Hermione's move to the unit went as planned, and it was decided that she could stay there for one week and then they would re-evaluate. She was lucky, in the sense that Julia was her consultant therapist and they were already familiar with each other. One of the conditions for her release was that she needed to have an appointment with Julia every day, which Hermione had questioned, silently of course, wondering how it would work if she couldn't speak. They worked around it, but it was not easy going.

Thankfully, they didn't have to worry too long as two day's after Hermione had moved onto the unit, she had greeted Blaise and Draco with a croaky 'hello'.

"Your voice!" Blaise exclaimed, pulling her into a hug while Draco chuckled behind him.

"Never thought I'd be so happy to hear your voice, Hermione." He murmured, pressing a kiss to the top of her head in greeting.

They were not anywhere near back to how they used to be, and Hermione found herself wishing that perhaps they would never reach the same point. The same level of intimacy and love, certainly, but a deeper connection based on truths and honesty, rather than lies and deception. He was easy to love, but she knew that he had a long way to go before he forgot the girl he had thought her to be. They were indeed starting from scratch, and she couldn't find any reason to mind. She smiled and chuckled at him.

"Charming." She croaked and he laughed.

"Always, Hermione, you know this." He replied, shaking his head as Blaise rolled his eyes.

"What happened? Did they find a way to treat you?" Blaise asked as he settled in the chair next to her bed as Draco took the one opposite. She shook her head.

"They always said it could come back on it's own." she told them, "But I might be quiet for a while."

"Silver lining." Draco muttered and Hermione laughed, throwing a pillow at him, which he caught deftly and chucked back.

"How are you getting on with the therapy?" Draco asked interestedly. She nodded, grinning.

"On track to go home on Monday, but she wants him," She jabbed a finger towards Blaise, "To keep my Aunty Dee under lock and key and monitor me taking it." she said, rolling her eyes.

"Understandable." Nodded Blaise. "Of course I will, I'll talk to her today."

"Aunty Dee?" Draco frowned and Hermione cackled at him.

"Anti-Depressant potion," Blaise provided, "Aunty Dee is our nickname for it."

"Oh." Draco chuckled. "What time is your appointment today?" he asked, glancing at the clock.

"In an hour, why?" Hermione queried and Draco shrugged.

Draco didn't give her an answer and the three fell into comfortable silence for a while as Hermione watched the other patients and healers pass by her room. It was strange, to be here around so many people suffering such complex issues, but it was comfortable and Hermione knew that being here would help her in the long run

Harry, unfortunately, had not been able to visit Hermione as he had work during the weekdays, so she spent all of her time with Blaise and often Draco too. It was strange, to Hermione, that Draco was so silent with her, almost awkward, and she wanted to discuss the topic, but she didn't want to ask any more of him than he had already given. Being here, even though he was clearly still uncomfortable and hurt was more than she could ever have expected from him.

She glanced over at him and felt her stomach twist uncomfortably, wondering what was going to happen with them. She loved him, she was sure of that, but over the last few weeks that love had... Shifted. While she was still painfully attracted to him, she couldn't deny that her feelings towards him had become more... She couldn't explain it, but they were definitely different. Would he ever want a romantic relationship with her? Would she, for that matter?

"I was thinking about going to see my Mum while we're here." Draco mumbled suddenly and Hermione gasped.

"What's your Mum doing here?" Blaise asked, frowning.

"Crap." Draco groaned. "I forgot you didn't know."

"How have you never told Blaise that your Mother is in the Mental Health Unit?!" Hermione squawked. "Seriously?!"

"Not now, Hermione," Blaise told her before turning to his friend and eyeing him carefully, "Draco, what are you talking about?"

Draco sighed and Hermione could read the shame all over his face. He had always been embarrassed about the state of his mothers mind and no matter how many times she, or rather Eloise, had told him that he should be open about the situation, he had always been so secretive about the fact that she was here. What she wasn't aware of, though, was that Blaise didn't even know. Had she been the only person he had told? She shuffled across the bed and sat on the edge in front of Draco, urging him to look at her.

"He'll understand." She whispered and he sighed before nodding reluctantly.

Hermione moved back to rest against her pillows and let the two friends talk. Draco was hesistant, but eventually opened up when he found no judgement in Blaise's eyes and Blaise didn't speak until after he had finished the sorry tale about his Mother's descent into madness. He was silent for a few seconds, clearly letting the news sink in before he nodded.

"I kind of knew that something wasn't right, you know?" Blaise asked and smiled at Draco's raised brow. "You never spoke of her and she was never there when I came over to the manor. Never expected this, though."

"How long has it been since you visited her Draco?" Hermione asked gently and he shrugged.

"Not sure. Over a year? She was really bad the last time I was here." He mumbled, fiddling with the sleeve of his jacket nervously.

"How bad is it?" Blaise frowned.

"Last time I was here, she didn't know who I was." Draco admitted and Blaise gasped, "There had been times before that when she had called me Lucius, but she had never not recognised me at all. The healers said that it could be temorary, but I couldn't bring myself to visit again after that."

"Do you want me to come with you today?" Blaise asked and Draco eyes widened slightly as he watched his italian friend.

"If you want to... I mean... I don't mind if you would rath-"

"I'll come with you, mate. I wish you'd told me sooner." Blaise said sternly and Draco nodded.

 **xxxxxxxxxx**

The two men were already back in her room by the time she came back from her appointment with Julia and Hermione was pleased to see that Draco appeared happy and relaxed. She caught Blaise's eye contact and gestured towards Draco with a raised eyebrow and Blaise nodded subtly with a smile on his face. Taking it as a good sign, Hermione hopped onto her bed and hugged a pillow on her lap before turning to Draco.

"So how did it go?" She asked and her heart soared when Draco grinned at her.

"She thought I was 13." Draco chuckled. "The healers said that her mind has gotten stuck at that point in her life, before the Dark Lord came back, you know? But she knew who I was and it was actually really nice."

"That's good, I guess." Hermione smiled, "Did she say anything?"

"She asked for Lucius a few times," Draco informed, "There's a healer here with really straight blonde hair that is her favourite because she thinks that she's my father, but other than that it was normal. At least it was normal when I was thirteen."

"You should have seen her," Blaise chuckled, "Smoothing his hair and mothering him to within an inch of his life."

Hermione laughed, imagining this grown man infront of her being treated like his thirteen year old self by a mother who had proven how much she loved him on numerous occasions. She could just see the six foot man being coddled and fussed over with a scowl on his face, trying to save his reputation. She supposed he was lucky that Narcissa wouldn't be going out in public with him any time soon, or any illusions of the snarky and cold person he pretended to be would be lost from the minds of everybody. Draco shrugged.

"It was nice, weirdly, to be mothered. I hadn't realised how much I'd missed her." He said with a warm, small smile on his face.

"That's good!" Hermione said, "Are you going to come see her more often?" Draco nodded.

"I've arranged to come once a week."

Hermione, in a strange way, felt incredibly proud of him. It seemed that it wasn't only her who was beginning to heal from her issues.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Ten.**

 **xxxxxxxxxx**

"You're going home today, I hear." Julia said as she ushered Hermione into her office. "Are you excited to be leaving?"

"Yes," Hermione smiled, "Although I was hoping Blaise would have a flat for us by now, I'm not looking forward to being at home on my own."

"That's understandable, Hermione," the woman told her sofly, "Have you perhaps considered asking Blaise to move into your apartment while you search for a new one?"

Hermione, in truth, hadn't thought of that, as obvious a solution as it was. She'd had other thoughts and ideas running through her mind since she came into the unit, primarily the whole Draco issue, and now the decision that they had reached together yesterday. She knew that Blaise was particularly fond of her apartment, though, so didn't think he would turn her down.

"I could do that," She nodded, thankful for the idea. "Draco and I have decided not to pursue a romantic relationship."

"Oh! That's very surprising," Julia said, her eyebrows raised, "How did you reach that decision?"

Hermione described in detail the full conversation that had occured with Draco the day before, including that he had asked Harry to approach her because he knew that Hermione would react better if the idea had come from Harry first. The therapist made copious amounts of notes before turning to Hermione, smiling proudly.

"I must admit, Hermione, as much as I did not expect this outcome, I find myself feeling extremely proud of you, and Draco, to an extent." She admitted and Hermione smiled.

"Have I made the right choice?" Hermione asked, voicing her only concern.

"I can't answer that question for you Hermione, you know that." The woman said kindly, "How do you feel about the decision you've made?"

That was the problem though, wasn't it. How did she feel about losing the potention for a romantic relationship with the one and only man she had been in love with in her lifetime? And for such a long time? She was grateful that he would be in her life in whatever capacity and she hadn't found herself heartbroken yet...

"Relieved, I think?" She said, though it came out sounding like a question and Julia nodded, smiling.

"I can say that my pride is based on the fact that this decision is an extremely logical one, and also very forward thinking, which means that the your depression is lessening in his severity, as it must for you to think about such a time in the future." Julia told her and Hermione grinned.

"Hopefully. I'm feeling much better, though it is early days." Hermione nodded.

"A close friendship is solid, constant and familiar, Hermione. I think, in my professional opinion, that if you entered into another relationship with Draco, your mind would suffer because of all the unknowns and what ifs, as well as comparisons that you would both make, subconsciously or not. Do you understand?" Julia said gently.

"I'm not sure to be entirely honest." Hermione chuckled, frowning.

"Ok, imagine this. A few years down the line, if you become romantic with him, he asks you to marry him. Would you think back to the first time, and compare it? Is it as romantic? Does he mean it as much?" She asked, nodding when Hermione winced slightly. "And you said he mentioned that he enjoys teasing you and pushing your buttons, can you ever remember him doing that with Eloise?"

"No, he was always sweet." Hermione grinned. "I understand better now. It would be an entirely different relationship. If he teased me mercilessly, which he absolutely would, it would never work. I'd end up hating him. Again." She chuckled and the therapist nodded.

"Is there anything that you want to talk about today that can't wait until your regular weekly appointment?" She asked as she smiled at the girl thought about it.

"No... I don't think so." Hermione answered.

"Good. Remember, Blaise will be supervising your potion every morning and evening, at least until we can be sure to expect no more mishaps." Hermione groaned and nodded. "It's for your safety, Hermione. I've already spoken to Blaise and he knows what to do. Now of with you. Go home and I will see you next week."

 **xxxxxxxxxx**

Blaise had practically squeezed the air out of her lungs when she suggested that he move into her apartment for the time being, until they could find a new one. Apparently, he had fallen in love with the place after his first visit, and when he told her that he thought it felt like 'home', it had forced Hermione to rethink the idea of moving at all. If Blaise was that comfortable in her apartment, and she could avoid the hassle of packing and moving, she was sure that there were changes she could make there to make it feel like a fresh start. Hell, even him moving in with her would feel like a fresh start.

The first and only fight during their friendship had been over the bedrooms, the day that he moved in. The same day that she left the hospital. Hermione had wanted Blaise to take the master bedroom, which had until this point been hers, while she took the smaller guest room, as the master had it's own bedroom and held far too many memories of her relationship with their now shared friend. At first, Blaise had refused point blank, prompting her to shout at him for being too stubborn. After a few heated words, though, Hermione had persuaded him by arguing that if she never had to put the toilet seat down before she used it or clean up his facial hair clippings, it would be worth it. Also, it meant that she gained full and exclusive use of the beautiful, huge roll top bath that was in the main bathroom. He had relented, though reluctantly.

The next fight, hadn't occured until a week later, and had begun a few minutes ago. It was also the reason that Draco and Harry had entered through the floo, shocked to see their friends locked in what they instantly believed to be a duel. Blaise and Hermione had spent the last five minutes explaining to their guests why they had been stood in the middle of their living room with their wands pointed at each other.

"...and Blaise thinks the walls should be green, which I completely disagree with. That's why I had just cancelled the charm he cast that made the living room look like the Slytherin bloody common room!" Hermione snapped, glaring at Blaise, who chuckled and rolled his eyes.

"Well, I can only assume that the Gryffindor common room was red?" Draco snorted and Harry nodded, chuckling, "In that case I completely understand why Blaise wouldn't want it to be red in here."

"You guys need to come to some sort of compromise." Harry offered and Hermione stomped her foot in anger.

"That's precisely what we were trying to do!" She shrieked and all three men winced. Now that her voice had reached it's normal state, she could become quite shrill when she was angered.

"Right, calm down, here's the plan." Draco said, stepping before the others and taking charge of the situation, "We all take a wall each, charm four squares of different colours, yes colours Blaise not shades of green, and then we can decide on a favorite, got it?"

"Who died and made you king of my castle?" Hermione huffed.

"Just bloody do it, witch." He growled and winced when she slapped his head as she passed by.

The four unlikely friends stood in the middle of the room half an hour later, slowly turning in a circle to look at all of different colours that had been chosen. Some were obvious choices, such as Draco's dark green and Harry's crimson, but others were complete shockers, such as Draco's bright pink, which had caused a lot of raised eyebrows and snickering. Hermione had already chosen her favorite and, annoyingly, Blaise had chosen it.

"I like the mid purple." Draco said, pointing to it once they had seen them all.

"My choice! Good man, Draco!" Blaise exclaimed, slapping his friend on the back.

"Hermione?" Harry urged, nudging her with his elbow.

"Yes, fine, that was my favorite too." She grumbled and flicked her wand, causing the square to spread and cover all of the walls.

"Thank god for that," Draco sighed, flopping down onto the sofa as Harry laughed. "Now go cook dinner, woman, I'm starving." He teased, nudging Hermione towards the kitchen with his foot.

Hermione rolled her eyes as she walked to the kitchen, shouting back that she wasn't his bloody house elf, but she couldn't help but grin to herself as she cooked dinner as planned. She had been relieved to find that the transition from potential partner to close friend had been surprisingly easy. The awkwardness that had surrounded them was gone and what was left was a friendship based off of mutual teasing and nearly constant light hearted bickering. It was comfortable, and more importantly it was safe, and safe was exactly what Hermione needed.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter Ten.**

 **xxxxxxxxxx**

Blaise, Harry and Draco were enjoying a night of drinks and poker when a fuming Hermione threw open the front door of her apartment, slammed it behind her and stormed straight past them to her room and slamed that door too. The three men looked at each other with raised eyebrows, daring each other to go and find out what the hell just happened. Blaise gave in, sighed and left the table, going to investigate. He reached her bedroom door and knocked.

"Hermione?" He shouted through the door, "What's up, lovely?"

Suddenly, the door was thrown open before him and Hermione pushed past him, going into the kitchen. Blaise frowned, shook his head and returned to his seat with the other two men and was just about to speak when Hermione came through to the living room carrying a bottle of wine and flopped down on the sofa.

"Uh..." Muttered Harry, trying to keep a straight face. "You alright there, Hermione?"

"What are you doing back from your date so early?" Draco asked, not bothering to hide his smirk.

"Do you have any idea what kind of evening I've had?" She snapped, glaring at him. "I swear I will never let you set me up on a blind date ever again, Harry Potter. Not if you paid me all the galleons in the world."

It had been a month since Hermione had returned home from St Mungo's and in an effort to throw herself back out there, to jump back on the horse so to speak, Hermione had accepted Harry's offer to set her up with an, apparently, nice and relatively attractive wizard that he worked with at the ministry. Harry groaned as she ranted at him and Blaise chuckled.

"That bad, huh?" He asked, looking sympathetic and she nodded as she took a drink of wine, straight from the bottle.

"Do you know what he asked me?" She spat, turning back to Harry who shook his head looking worried. "He asked whether I'd ever had a threesome with you and Ron."

Draco and Blaise burst out laughing while Harry blushed crimson at the insinutation. Hermione pushed herself up, wobbling as she stood, and began to pace the room, glaring at the two Slytherins.

"He said, and I quote, that we're too close not to have fucked." She fumed. "Please tell me that disgusting man is not an Auror?!"

"He's not," Harry said, gulping, "He's the uh... He's the office cleaner."

"A CLEANER!" Hermione shrieked. "Did you seriously set me up on a date with the fucking cleaner?!"

Harry looked to Draco and Blaise for help, but neither of them could stop laughing long enough to speak so Hermione waited for her oldest friend to offer his excuses. The evening had started off well enough. The guy, Paul, had come to pick her up from the apartment and taken her for dinner. Once he'd had a few drinks, however... Horrible little man.

"Well, he has always fancied you, Hermione." Harry offered in an attempt to calm her.

"Oh for the love of..." She hissed, smacking her palm into her forehead and sighing as she flopped down on the sofa, turning to look at Harry, pointedly ignoring the two snickering snakes.

"Seriously? I'm not sure that man had enough brain cells to be trusted with a bloody mop." She muttered.

Draco and Blaise spluttered on laughter again and Harry joined them. Hermione watched them and rolled her eyes, feeling a grin spread across her face which she didn't even try to fight. These men were her lifeline. They were her best friends, and she loved each of them. Draco had become incredibly important to her in the role of friend and she found that, though they bickered and poke fun at each other, he was the one who was usually able to put a smile on her face when she was feeling down.

 **xxxxxxxxxx**

"Where are you going all dressed up at..." Blaise glanced at the clock above the fireplace, "Ten in the morning?"

"I've got a job interview!" Hermione exclaimed excitedly. "And then I'm meeting Draco and Astoria for lunch."

Draco had met Astoria during Hermione's stay in St Mungo's. She had been in the hospital visiting some relative or another and she had recognised Draco from Hogwarts. She was Daphne Greengrass' little sister, and Draco had asked her to dinner. None of his friends had expected them to really hit it off, but surprisingly Draco had really grown to like the girl and Hermione was happy for him. Astoria was lovely, too, and Hermione found herself warming to the girl almost immediately upon meeting her.

"Where's your interview?" Blaise enquired happily, "How come this is the first I'm hearing about this?"

"It's just Flourish and Blott's, but-"

"Perfect for my favorite bookworm then!" Blaise laughed and she dropped a kiss on his head, turning to leave. She stopped when he called out to her.

"I've was thinking of having a few old school mates over tonight, if that's alright?" He asked and she frowned.

"Who? Not Parkinson, please, anybody but her!" She pleaded and he laughed.

"No-one's seen Pansy in years. She ran off to France and married some frenchman." Blaise shrugged, "No, Draco's coming, obviously, but other than him it'll just be Theo and Marcus."

"Uh... Nott and... Flint?" She tried to remember and he nodded. "Alright, seems fine. But I might invite Harry over to counteract the influx of Slytherin alumni." she chuckled and Blaise laughed.

"Fine by me! You off?" He asked.

"Yeah, see you later!"

 **xxxxxxxxxx**

The interview had been a huge success and Hermione, who was so shocked that she wanted to cry, was offered the job on the spot. She felt a huge bubble of happiness well up in her stomach and instantly raced to the Ministry to find Harry, to tell him her good news and invite him over to her apartment that night.

"Harry!" She yelled, tiptoes and waving over the numerous people in the Auror offices.

"Heya Hermione," Harry greeted and pulled her into a hug once he had reached her, "What are you doing here?"

"I came to tell you my good news!" Hermione trilled, "I've got a job!"

"That's amazing!" Harry exclaimed, giving her another hug, "Where are you going to be working?"

"Flourish and Blott's." She grinned and he nodded as though he should have guessed. "It's not the most amazing, but I get to read unlimited books when the shop is quiet. And I get a discount, too."

"Sounds perfect for you, Hermione." Harry grinned. "I've not had my lunch yet, do you want to go get something to eat?" Hermione shook her head.

"I can't, I'm meeting Draco and Astoria for lunch, sorry Harry." she apologised and he hummed, eyeing her. Hermione rose her eyebrow in question.

"Are you okay with that? Draco seeing Astoria?" Harry asked tentatively and Hermione sighed.

"Honestly?" She asked and he nodded, "I'm surprisingly fine with it. I thought it would hurt when he met somebody but..." she shrugged and Harry smiled.

"I'm glad you're okay about it." He grinned, "Do you think you're ready to move on?"

"If I met someone that I connected with, I'd take a chance." Hermione shrugged before grinning, "I guess I have moved on. And I really like Astoria, she's lovely."

Truthfully, Hermione was shocked by how little it had affected her when Draco had mentioned he would be seeing Astoria in a more serious way. She had been dreading the day since he had re-entered her life, but now that it had happened... It didn't really bother her. She'd discussed it with Julia at their last session and she had told Hermione that if it didn't bother her, then she was obviously healing from her heartache. Hermione just wanted Draco to be happy, and he seemed to be, so she was fine.

"Oh!" Hermione exclaimed suddenly, "I wanted to invite you to mine tonight."

"Any special occasion?" Harry asked, intrigued.

"Aside from the fact that my apartment is going to be full of snakes? No." She laughed and he frowned. "Blaise has got a couple of Draco, Theo Nott and Marcus Flint coming over, so I was hoping to not be the only Gryffindor?"

"Ah, I see." Harry laughed.

"Please Harry?" She asked with a pout and he rolled his eyes.

"Fine, fine. But I'm bringing Firewhiskey." Harry sighed.

"I can't find a problem with that." She grinned.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter Eleven.**

 **xxxxxxxxxx**

Hermione was sitting on her sofa with Harry, sharing his bottle of Firewhiskey when the floo roared to life and Draco stepped out. The other two expected Slytherins hadn't arrived yet and Hermione found herself inexplicably nervous. She remembered Marcus Flint from school and he had never said a nice word to her, so she was wondering how he would react to learn that Blaise was living with her and that he and Draco were such good friends with her and Harry.

"Granger, you look stressed." Draco greeted.

"Charming." She frowned, "Whatever happened to 'you look nice', huh?"

In truth, she was feeling incredibly anxious and she couldn't discern any plausible reason for it. She found it irritating that her emotions seems to have a mind of their own and she had little to no control over them. She had only suffered anxiety during exam periods, but never at a time when she should be calm. She had no reason to be feeling like this.

"Calm down. Theo and Marcus know that we're all friends." Draco reassured and grinned at Blaise when he entered the living room.

"They know I live here and you're my best friend." Blaise said, dropping a kiss to the crown of her head. "Stop worrying, lovely."

"I'm not worried." She growled, glaring at Harry when he snorted.

She didn't get a chance to tell Harry off before the floo roared again and she turned to see the most attractive man she had seen in a long time. He was tall, tanned and dressed in a fitted dark grey shirt that clung onto his obviously well defined muscles. His hair was brown and brushed back and Hermione could see a slight curl towards the ends. On his face there was a light dusting of stubble and his eyes were the deepest, most expressive blue Hermione had ever seen. And that mouth... Realising she had been staring at the newest guest with her jaw dropped, she jumped up suddenly.

"I'll uh... Be right back?" She stammered, practically running into the kitchen.

Christ. Her heart was hammering in her chest and she was fighting the instinct to run. She was taking deep breaths, trying to gather herself when she heard the door to the kitchen open. Her head was spinning and she struggled to catch her breath.

"What's wrong?" Blaise asked, seeing her fraught state.

Hermione just shook her head and squeezed her eyes tightly shut. She felt hands gently press onto her shoulders and they guided her towards the table and into a chair. Blaise kneeled in front of her, taking both of her hands in his.

"Breath with me, Hermione." He said, "In...Out...In...Out."

Hermione did as he said and her breathing soon evened out, though her heart had not calmed at all. She shook his hands off of hers and covered her face. Hearing him sigh, she looked up at him.

"Do not make me give you a calming draught, Hermione." Blaise said as he entered the kitchen behind her. "Why are you so nervous?"

"I'm just feeling really anxious tonight, Blaise." She sighed, shrugging. "I think I might just head off to bed, do you mind?"

"Of course not. I can kick them out if you want?" He asked and Hermione shook her head, smiling at him.

"Don't be stupid." She said tiptoeing and kissing his cheek, "Goodnight, Blaise. Can you say goodnight to... Everyone for me?" She gestured towards the living room and he nodded.

Hermione walked to her bedroom and closed the door behind her, sighing. She had been feeling anxious all night. The stress was weighing down on her and she hated it. Was this a new symptom of depression that she hadn't dealt with before? She had read about anxiety and depression being closely linked, but she hadn't had much experience with the first. Making a mental note to talk to Julia about it on Monday, she crawled into bed and pulled the covers up over her head, tuning out the hum of conversation from her living room.

 **xxxxxxxxxx**

"Where'd Hermione go?" Harry asked when Blaise walked back into the living room and took his seat on the sofa.

"She went to bed, told me to tell you all goodnight." Blaise shrugged, frowning, "I don't think she's feeling too good tonight."

"Is she still taking her... uh... Aunty Dee?" Harry asked, realising that she might not want Theo or Marcus, who had arrived while he had been calming Hermione down in the kitchen, to know about her depression and Blaise nodded. "Hopefully she'll feel better in the morning."

"What's wrong with her?" Marcus grunted, never having been known for his tact.

Blaise looked first at Draco who shrugged, then he looked at Harry. Harry smiled and nodded and Blaise knew what he was thinking. Having more people to keep her spirits up would allow her to heal better. Her circle of friends consisted of him, Harry and Draco. Perhaps Theo and Marcus could be good for her. What Blaise knew that Harry didn't know, though, was that Theo had a particular soft spot for the woman, which was one of the reasons he had invited him here tonight in the first place. Perhaps it would be better if Marcus didn't know though...

"Theo? Potter?" Blaise asked and the two looked at him.

He gestured to the kitchen with a nod of his head and got up, hearing them rise and follow behind him. He knew that Draco would know what was going on and would keep Marcus suitably distracted.

"What's up with Granger?" Theo asked, barely masked concern on his face.

"Hermione has depression." Harry blurted, and Blaise rolled his eyes.

"Nicely said, Potter." He sighed, leaning back on the counter and turning to Theo, "But yes, she does suffer from depression. She's attempted suicide before and is on an anti-depressant potion. She's been struggling, basically."

"Why are you telling me this?" Theo asked, confused.

"Because I trust you." Blaise said, shrugging, "And I know that you still harbour a soft spot for her."

"You fancy Hermione?" Harry interrupted, staring wide eyed at Theo who shrugged.

"For a long time, yeah." He said simply before turning to his friend. Blaise laughed at the impression of a fish that Harry was doing. "What can I do to help?"


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter Twelve.**

 **xxxxxxxxxx**

Hermione was nervous. She didn't understand how she had ended up accepting to be a part of this stupid blind date. Again. She had sworn that she would never allow Harry to set her up on another blind date, and yet...

She sighed as she flicked her wand, making the zip at the back of her dress do up and turned to look in the mirror. Briefly, Hermione wondered if there would ever come a time when she would be happy with what she saw in her reflection. Her eyes glanced over the image looking back at her and she groaned, dropping her face into her hands. It was no use. Whatever she did or wore, she would never be one of those stunning women who were always so happy.

Pulling her head up she reached for the hairbrush on the dresser before pulling it roughly through her hair. It got caught on knots with every tug through and Hermione barely even winced when she felt the strands of hair snap or pull from her scalp. She wondered whether it was supposed to hurt, but right now she didn't have time to focus on it. Right now, she needed to prepare to meet another man who would probably take one look at her and decide that she wasn't good enough.

Her dress was a simple teal tshirt style dress that clung to her lack of curves and called attention all of the assets that she didn't have. Turning to the side, she noted that her stomach was bloated and sighed, trying to suck it in. She could do that, but it would be a pain in the arse to do it all night. She would wait until she saw her date and then decide whether she could be bothered with the effort, she decided.

She pulled a black leather jacket from her wardrobe and picked up her black suede wedges before opening her door and walking into the living room, stopping to sit in the armchair and put them on. When she was done she turned to Blaise, who had been sitting on the sofa with a book, and flapped her arms dejectedly. She knew that she had regressed back to her depressed state lately, and though she had searched and searched for a reason, she couldn't come up for a single one.

"You look gorgeous, Hermione." Blaise said, smiling gently as he rose up from the sofa and stood in front of her. "You'll knock him dead."

"Yeah, as in he'll take one look at me and die from fear, you mean?" She snorted and Blaise sighed.

"Just get in that fireplace and go meet your date. Be yourself, okay? Be honest." He told her and she did what she was told.

She appeared out of the fireplace in what looked to be a very upmarket wizarding restaurant. There were hundreds of floating candles that lit the space as well as wall sconces with flickering light coming off of them. Marble floors and crystal chandeliers made it appear to be the most expensive place she might ever eat a meal.

She looked around, trying to remember what Harry had told her about her date. He was tall, brown hair, blue eyes and they went to school together. That was it. Wait, did Harry even tell her how she was supposed to recognise him? No 'he'll be holding a single red rose' or 'he'll be the one carrying a blue book'. Great. She looked around the restaurant and tried to find someone, anyone that she recognised. Sighing, she turned to check the other side of the huge room and bumped her nose into a hard chest.

"Hello Hermione." Came a deep voice from inches above her head and she looked up to see...

"Theo?" She gasped, "What are you doing here?"

"Same thing you are, I reckon. Shall we find our table?" He asked and walked off to find the maitre de.

Hermione stood there, stunned and confused. Had Harry really done this? Why would he set her up with this impossibly attractive man? She shook her head, hoping to clear it slightly, and turned to see Theo talking to the man at the greeting station. He glanced up briefly and caught her eye, smiling softly at her before turning back to the man. Hermione's hand came up to her belly, feeling butterflies. Hoping that she hadn't been mistaken, she steeled her nerves and walked tentatively to Theo's side.

"Um, Theo?" She asked, hesitant and worried. Theo looked down at her and smiled, "Are you... Are you my blind date?" She whispered and he nodded.

"You look stunning." He told her and she blushed, dropping her gaze to the floor. "Our tables this way, are you ready?" he asked, offering his arm for her to hold.

Hermione looked from his slightly bent arm to his face and his gentle smile was still in place. He gestured for her to hold his arm and she slipped her hand into the crook of his elbow slowly. She felt like he was going to pull away at any moment and tell her that this had all been some kind of horrible joke, but as they walked to their table, Theo's other hand came up and gently laid on top of hers.

He pulled out her chair for her and pushed it in underneath her before he moved around the table to sit opposite her. She looked at the way he was dressed, taking in his semi-casual appearance. The shirtsleeves of his fitted black shirt were rolled up, showing his perfectly toned arms. The top two buttons were undone and her eyes were drawn to the smooth, clear skin on show.

"Are you okay, Hermione?" He asked, breaking her inspection of him and she blushed heavily before looking hesitantly at him and nodding.

"I'm shocked, that you're here with me, I mean." She mumbled and Theo watched her intently.

"You think I'd rather not be?" He asked, cocking his brow at her and she nodded.

"Of course. I'm sure there are hundreds of places you'd rather be." She admitted and shrugged. "I'm sorry that Harry dragged you into his attempts to get me dating again." Theo shook his head.

"This was my idea, not Harry's." He informed her, turning to the waiter who had just arrived and ordering a bottle of wine before turning back to her, smirking at he gaping face. "Is that so hard to believe?"

"Yes!" She exclaimed, "What do you mean this was your idea?"

"I knew you wouldn't come here if I asked you myself." Theo shrugged, "You'd think I was trying to trick you, so I roped Harry into getting you here."

"But why exactly do you want me here?" She asked, frowning at him.

"Because I'm attracted to you and I want to get to know you," He grinned, "We haven't seen each other since the last time we revised Charms in the library, so I don't know much about you."

"Wait." Hermione said, holding up her hand and pushing her chair back, scraping the legs on the floor. Theo's face was suddenly serious, "I can't do this, I can't be part of this... Joke or plan... Whatever this is."

"Hermione!" Theo said as she pushed past him and rushed towards the floo.

She felt the tears coming to her eyes and blinked furiously to try and avoid crying in front of all these people. Guests of the restaurant had turned to stare and now the whispers of her name were becoming louder as more and more people recognised her. She could feel her heart racing and her head begin to spin before she felt a firm hand grab her shoulder and turn her.

"We need to talk," Theo told her, watching her concernedly, "I'm taking you home."

 **xxxxxxxxxx**

"Blaise!" He heard being shouted from the living room, but it wasn't his flatmates voice, it was his old friends.

Worried, Blaise slipped out of bed and wrapped his dressing gown around him, pulling open his bedroom door and walking towards the source of the voice. He gasped when he saw Theo holding a pale and panicking Hermione around the waist.

"Help me get her to bed, okay?" Theo asked and Blaise rushed to his side.

He slipped her arm around his shoulders and felt Theo release her to him. Feeling her energy leave her, he slipped his other arm under her legs and pulled her up, carrying her against his chest. He left Theo in the living room, while he tucked her into her bed.

"What the hell happened?!" He hissed when he returned to Theo, who was sitting forward on the sofa with his hands covering his face.

"Does she really have such little self esteem?" Theo asked, pulling his hands away suddenly. "She thought it was a joke, mate. She literally ran away because she thought I was messing with her."

Blaise sighed and collapsed onto the armchair, staring straight ahead of him. She was slipping back into depression again and it scared the shit out of him. She had seemed so good, so well lately. He didn't know what had happened, but making a mental note to contact Julia tomorrow, he turned back to Theo and made a decision on her behalf, hoping that it would be for the best.

"She was with a guy for five years." Blaise sighed, "Draco, she was with Draco."

"But wasn't Draco with that Eloise girl?" Theo asked, frowning and Blaise nodded.

"Mate you don't get it, Hermione IS Eloise." Blaise huffed, leaning forward on his knees, "The story goes that she glamoured herself for one night of annonymity, but Draco approached her and she fell hard for him. She knew that if he ever found out that she was really Hermione, he would leave her so she kept that up for five years until he proposed. Mungo's cancelled her glamour and Draco abandoned her because she wasn't who he thought she was."

"Bloody hell." Theo groaned. "That's... That's pretty fucked up."

"Tell me about it." Blaise nodded. "She thinks that she's plain. Average, well probably less than average to be honest. She's always been that way, I think, but when Draco took one look at her and refused to have anything to do with her, even though she had been with him for five years, it did... Something to her. It broke her."

"I have no idea what to say." Theo admitted and Blaise chuckled ruefully.

"She has... A lot of issues. I need to know, before I go in there and talk to her, whether you would be willing to overlook them, to accept them?" he asked his friend, who nodded.

"I mean, I can't guarantee that I'll never hurt her, but I'll support her and try to help her. Whatever else happens then... We'll deal with it, I guess." Theo said and Blaise smiled, standing up.

"Wait here, I'll be back in a bit. Help yourself to a drink, mate, you look like you need one."


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter Thirteen.**

Hermione felt the bed dip as someone laid down next to her and turned her head to see Blaise smiling gently at her.

"Why did he do that?" She asked brokenly and Blaise frowned questioningly, "Why is he making fun of me?"

"What are you talking about, lovely?" Blaise asked, gently stroking her hair from her face.

"Well clearly he invited me there to humiliate me." Hermione muttered, "Him being attracted to me is laughable. It'd be like... Oh I dunno, but it's a joke. He's so far out of my league."

"Oh, Honey." Blaise murmured and pulled her against him. "You know, when we were in school, Theo never had a girlfriend. He always said that no-one was intelligent enough, could hold a decent conversation, stuff like that. One day, in fourth year, we caught him eyeing up a girl, guess who?"

"I dunno, Blaise," Hermione sighed, resting her head on his shoulder, "Pansy Parkinson?"

"Nope." Blaise chuckled, shaking his head, "Hogwarts very own resident bookworm."

"I don't believe you." She snapped, pulling away from him to get out of bed but Blaise pulled her down and held her in place.

"Will you let me finish my bloody story?" He grumbled and Hermione sighed, but she nodded.

"Right. Where was I? Oh yeah. In fourth year, he noticed a girl, who was intelligent and pretty. But he never approached her because he was the geeky Slytherin who people always overlooked. He thought that she would laugh in his face. So he watched from afar and enjoyed seeing her smile." He heard Hermione sniffle and pressed a kiss to her forehead.

"How do you know this?" She whispered.

"Theo and I have always been closer than anyone else. We might not talk or get together often, but when we do, we talk about the serious stuff." Blaise smiled, "Anyway, that girl showed up to the Yule Ball that year and blew every other girl in the room out of the water. She was a stunner, alright. Really beautiful. And all of a sudden, people who had never noticed her before started to want a piece of her. Boys were approaching her for a dance left right and center and she turned them all away. Why would she dance with them when she had never heard a kind word out of their mouths, right?" Hermione snorted and nodded.

"You asked me to dance that night." She chuckled wetly.

"Yeah and you told me to do one, if I remember correctly." Blaise laughed. "One boy though... One boy didn't ask, because he didn't want to hear her tell him no. So he waited, for the attention on her to die down. Then he approached her where she had always been the most beautiful to him. Her natural habitat, if you like. He approached her in the library, asking to study with her. And she said yes."

"He's not messing with you Hermione. I promise you that." Blaise told her and she hesitated before she nodded.

"Is he still here?" Hermione asked and Blaise nodded, "Can you bring him here please?"

Hermione watched Blaise leave and got up from the bed to clean up her face and quickly change into something more comfortable. She put on a pair of baggy pyjama trousers and an oversized t-shirt, laying back down on her bed just in time to hear the door close, and she turned to see Theo stood awkwardly in front of the door, his hands stuffed into his pockets. The room was silent.

"Fourth year?" She whispered, looking nervously at him and he grimaced and nodded.

"I could kill Blaise for telling you that." He muttered and ran a hand through his hair. "You were never meant to find that out."

"Why not?" She asked, confused.

"Because that would make me seem a bit pathetic." He huffed, "Can I uh... Can I sit down?" He asked, gesturing towards the bed and she nodded, patting the bed next to her.

She watched as Theo sat on the edge of the bed and bent down to pull his shoes off before pushing himself back so that his back was against the headrest with his legs stretched straight in front of him. Crossing his ankles he turned to her.

"How are you feeling?" He asked quietly.

"Mortified," Hermione groaned. "You couldn't possibly seem more pathetic than I must do right now."

"Blaise told me... Well, everything, really." Theo told her hesitantly and she gasped, turning wide eyed.

"What? Like, everything everything?" She whispered, covering her face when he nodded.

She felt a hand, gentle and hesitant, move to her hand and try to pull it from her face. She struggled briefly but let him pull it away and waited for him to let go, but he held it between them. For a moment he just looked at her before he moved his other hand to brush her hair out of her face.

"None of it is your fault, Hermione," He whispered, "Are you listening to me?"

"Five years, Theo. I pretended to be someone else for five fucking years!" She hissed, feeling tears fall sideways from her eye and roll over her nose. "That's a pretty fucked up thing to do."

"And why did you do that, hmm?" Theo said calmly, "Because you fell in love with a man whose idea of beauty is only skin deep. He can't see further than what's in front of his face. He never could. He couldn't see what was in here," He tapped her temple with his finger, "Or here," her chest above her heart, "If he loved you, for everything you are, he wouldn't have cared what colour your hair was or what your name was. It wouldn't have mattered."

Hermione's mouth hung open and her eyes were wide. Something about his words, or the way he spoke them, or the look in his eyes had seeped into her mind and her heart and she felt... Light. Not like she could float, but like she wasn't being dragged down at that moment. His eyes were full of indignity and anger on her behalf, concern and care for her. She couldn't find words to speak and she didn't have to, because it seemed that Theo wasn't finished.

"Blaise told me that you tried to kill yourself, because of your depression." Hermione winced and he gently cupped her cheek with his palm, making her look at him as he spoke. "But I need to tell you, Hermione, that this world needs you. There are people that would be destroyed if you weren't here any more. Before he met you, did you know that I was the only one who knew he was gay? You've given him the strength to be honest with the world, albeit slowly. Harry worships you and if you went, who would keep Draco in check, huh?"

Hermione listened, and noticed that his voice was growing croaking and hoarse. His eyes were hard, but she could see the beginning of tears forming in the corners of them. Feeling the need to comfort him, she shuffled forward and put her forehead against his, offering as much as she could, something to help him.

"Who would I dream of if you weren't here?" He whispered and Hermione choked.

She didn't know why, and even after the fact she wasn't sure how it had happened but she suddenly found their lips pressed gently against each other. Both sets of lips were shaking and hesitant and neither moved, but the two of them lay together, his hand on her cheek and their lips barely touching, offering their silent comfort to each other


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter Fourteen.**

 **xxxxxxxxxx**

Hermione opened her eyes slowly and froze when her eyes were faced with the relaxed face of Theo Nott laying beside her, his face close to hers. The events of the night before slowly came back to her and she closed her eyes against the tears that threatened to spill over her eyelashes. Once she felt herself gain some semblance of control over her emotions, she opened her eyes again to see him looking back at her. They didn't speak, but feeling some kind of courage wash over her, Hermione lifted her hand and gently skimmed her fingertips over his stubbled cheek. Theo closed his eyes at the contact and a shy smile curved her lips.

"How are you feeling?" He whispered and his eyes flicked between hers as she thought about it.

"I don't know." She admitted softly. "Scared. Confused. Tired."

Theo nodded and rubbed the tip of her nose with the tip of his gently. She appreciated how gentle he was being with her and how he was treating her so carefully. She was aware of how far she had slipped back into depression, and she needed this gentleness, this softness.

"Tired is easily fixed, and I can guess why you're confused," He smiled, gesturing between them, "But would you explain to me why you're scared? If you can, I mean."

"I'm scared of a lot of things, Theo." She whispered, closing her eyes. "I'm scared that I'm not good enough, that this is a dream and I'll wake up alone. I'm scared that I will lose the battle with depression and I will always be miserable."

"Okay." Theo whispered, gently touching her face with his fingertips, "Thank you for being honest with me."

"I can't promise you much, Theo. But I promise never to lie to you. About anything." She told him and he nodded, gently brushing her eyelids closed and putting his hand on her arm. Hermione fell asleep.

When she woke up, Hermione was alone in bed and she frowned, wondering if it had all been a dream after all, before she caught side of a folded piece of parchment on the pillow where Theo had laid the night before.

 _It's not a dream, I'll be back soon._

She felt a tear roll down her cheek and closed her eyes, clutching the parchment to her chest.

 **xxxxxxxxxx**

"Jesus christ mate!" Blaise exclaimed with his hand over his heart as he turned on the light in the kitchen and his friend appeared at the table, scaring him. "What are you doing here at... Fuck is it really 8 o'clock?" Theo chuckled.

"Yeah," He smiled, "I needed to think and I didn't want to wake Hermione."

Blaise nodded and passed him, filling up a glass with water from the tap and pulling the chair out next to Theo, sitting heavily in it. He knew he should ask what he was still doing here, whether he had slept with Hermione or what had happened, but Theo's face was extremely troubled, and it worried him.

"She truly thinks that nobody would ever love her." Theo whispered and he nodded.

"It's heartbreaking, isn't it?" He muttered, taking a sip of water. "Draco seems to see what she did as some kind of personal insult, but I know what he would have done if he'd known the truth."

"How did it all end between them? Did he even ask her to explain?" Theo asked, turning his gaze to his friend who shook his head.

"As far as I'm aware, and this is only from what I've gathered from what they've both told me, Draco walked into the hospital room, found out who she was and ran away, proceeded to shag loads of women." Blaise shrugged. "Basically, he thought of himself like he always has."

"And he only came back when he found out she tried to kill herself?" Theo asked.

"Potter and me went to the manor and got him. I don't know if he would have come to visit her if we hadn't." Blaise replied, shrugging.

"Right." Theo said simply.

"I'm going to be seeing a lot more of you, aren't I?" Blaise asked, grinning suddenly.

"What makes you say that?" Theo asked, confused.

"You're in love with her." Blaise informed him and Theo chuckled, nodding.

"It physically hurts to see her in that much pain. To hear her talk like she's worth nothing to anybody. She's scared, Blaise, and I refuse to do anything other than protect her from the things she fears. Someone needs to hold that girl together and I'm determined that it will be me." Theo said, seriously, standing from his chair. "I'll love her, through anything, even if she won't let me."

Blaise watched, smiling softly, as his friend left the kitchen and walked towards Hermione's bedroom before sighing. He desperately hoped that Theo's love for her would help his best friend to heal and make her happy, because she deserved nothing less. Her depression was dragging her down into darkness, though, and he knew that she needed to escape it before anything could really help. Pulling a piece of parchment and a quill from a drawer he wrote a quick note and attached it to his owl, standing at the window watching the black dot disappear with a sinking feeling in his gut.

Hermione is worsening, please come.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter Fifteen.**

 **xxxxxxxxxx**

Julia Sawyer perched on the edge of the slightly uncomfortably armchair in Hermione's living room faced by three very different but obviously very concerned men and one near catatonic woman. The note she had received from Blaise that morning had been worrying enough to warrant cancelling all of her appointments for the day, something which she was loathe to do. Right now, though, Hermione was her biggest concern.

The girl in question had become considerably important to Julia, who had come to respect and admire her greatly. She was touched by the the care and love that shone from the eyes of the three men in the room and she knew that, with them, Hermione would be watched closely and kept safe. She really couldn't be doing with having to provide another emergency consult for a failed suicide attempt on Hermione's part. Or worse.

"Thank you for coming so quickly, I honestly don't know what happened but Hermione... Well, you can see for yourself how she's doing." Blaise said once he had sat her down and fetched a glass of water for her.

Hermione was laid across the sofa with her head in the lap of the wizard with black hair, glasses and the infamous lightning bolt scar, obviously Harry Potter. Her feet were resting in the lap of the third man, one that Julia hadn't recognised on her arrival and had quietly introduced himself as Theo Nott. She had noticed that the love that shone in his eyes for Hermione was stronger than either of the other men, but decided to keep that observation to herself.

"Is Draco planning to be here? Or shall I begin?" She asked, eager to come up with some sort of plan for Hermione.

She saw Harry and Blaise look at each other briefly, their eyes flashing with irritation and made a mental note to approach that subject a little later on.

"Draco has decided to distance himself from Hermione. In favour of his new girlfriend." Blaise muttered, clearly not in agreement with his friends choice. Julia nodded, but didn't comment.

"Alright. As you all know, Hermione has been diagnosed with depression for some time now. The improvement we saw during her stay at St Mungo's and immediately afterwards was promising, though obviously something has caused her to slip back," She said gently, gesturing to Hermione, whose eyes were closed. "Do any of you know what could have caused this?"

"She got a job, but I'm not sure if she still has it. She never went to a shift, not to my knowledge anyway." Blaise offered and she made a note of it before turning to Harry, who sighed.

"Draco's new girlfriend, Astoria, is pale, blonde and tall... Much like Eloise was." Harry muttered.

"That could be a possible trigger." Julia said, noting it and nodding.

"Why has her mood declined, though? I thought the potion was supposed to prevent this kind of thing from happening?" Theo asked, irritated but not unkindly.

"The wizarding world is woefully uneducated on the topic of mental health disorders and conditions, Theo. It's hard to explain chemical imbalances and hormonal causes to someone who thinks that flicking their wand should be able to fix almost anything. I chose to gain a degree at a muggle university, but there are very few who have an understanding of these kind of illnesses." She said, and Harry nodded.

I was diagnosed with PTSD by a muggle psychiatrist after the war, but none of the Mungo's healers had even heard of it. It was shocking, to me at least, how ignorant the wizarding world is of mental health issues." He muttered.

"Depression is not something that has an easy fix. It is something that Hermione may struggle with for the rest of her life. Have any of you had any experience with Dementors?" She asked and recoiled when all three nodded. "Alright, well that feeling that you get when they're near? That all consuming, overwhelming sadness and the certainty that you will never feel happiness again?" Again, all three nodded, Harry most certainly, "That is what depression is known to feel like. The problem with potions and muggle medications, is that not all people react the same to them. I know that many muggles with depression have to try many different types of medication before they find one that works well for them."

"Are there other potions that we can try?" Blaise asked, glancing at Hermione who had yet to acknowledge that she was being talked about as though she wasn't there.

"There are, but I would like to further increase the dosage of her current one before resorting to changing it completely. The issue is, that some potions, when taken closely together, can react badly with one another and it's recommended that you completely stop one for a period before starting a new one. Obviously, I don't think that would be advisable in this case." Julia said and Blaise nodded in understanding.

"Is there anything we can do to help her otherwise?" Harry asked, stroking his friends hair.

"I would recommend, I think, that one of you remain here at all times, if possible. If not then I would feel better taking her back into the unit for observation." She told them.

The three men glanced at each other, having a silent conversation purely with their facial expressions. They were very obviously in sync when it came to the girl that they all cared for.

"We can do that. What about Draco?" Theo asked and Julia sighed.

"I know that Hermione will not be happy with what I am about to suggest, but I need to do what is in her best interests in regards to her current situation," She said and the three men looked intently at her, "I don't think that Hermione should see Draco at the moment."

"At all?" Blaise frowned.

"Not right now, no. We have discussed her feelings for him in depth and, while I firmly believe that her feelings now go no further than being platonic in nature," She heard Theo breathe a sigh of relief at this and smiled gently at him, "I still believe that she subconsciously associates Draco with feelings of abandonment. Does that make sense?" The three boys nodded.

"What about other... Relationships?" Theo asked shyly and she smiled broadly at him.

"Theo, I can see how much you care for Hermione and as long as you can promise me, as her therapist and somebody who has grown to care very much for her, that you will not hurt her intentionally or do anything to hinder her recovery, I see no reason why any relationship with you would do any harm. In fact, it might help her to improve." She said and Theo smiled gratefully.

"I've cleared an hour in my schedule every day to come and see how Hermione is doing and also to be available to the three of you if I'm needed. I know that caring for someone who is suffering depression can be quite draining, so if you do struggle, make sure that you talk to me, understood?"

The three boys agreed and, happy that she had done all she could for today, she instructed Blaise to up Hermione's dosage of potion to two drops twice a day before disappearing through the floo.

 **xxxxxxxxxx**

Blaise watched as Theo picked Hermione up and held her in his arms as though he were frightened she might break before he carried her through to her bedroom. It had been an elightening morning and he had learned a lot from Julia. He was truly appreciative of all that the woman was doing for Hermione, and for all of them. He went into the kitchen to prepare three cups of tea. When he returned to the living room, Harry and Theo were sitting in silence, their faces concentrated in thought.

"Essentially," Harry started suddenly, "We are the Hermione suicide prevention team"

"Catchy name, Potter." Blaise snorted. "How are we going to do this?"

"I'll stay here all the time." Theo said immediately, "I don't want to leave her."

"You really do love her, don't you?" Harry asked, turning to Blaise when Theo nodded. "I have to work during the week, but I can be here after five if I'm needed."

"I'm sure we'll be fine during the week, but you'll be here next weekend, yes?" Harry nodded, "I live here, so I don't really get a choice." Blaise chuckled.

 **xxxxxxxxxx**

Depression, Hermione had come to realise, sucks. She was sleeping for upwards of 18 hours a day and couldn't bring herself to eat or participate in real life. It's wasn't even like she didn't want to, it was almost as though she felt that she couldn't. Getting out of bed for long enough to use the toilet left her feeling physically drained and she just wanted to sleep.

She was well aware of all that was going on around her and had heard everything that Julia had said earlier, yet she didn't want to be a part of it. She wanted to disappear. Above anything else, she found herself feeling numb. Nothing hurt, nothing worried her and nothing excited her. She hated it, and if she could feel such emotion, it would terrify her.

The worst part of it was knowing that what she was doing was self destructive and still not doing anything about it. Yes, the sunshine might help improve her mood, but leaving the apartment felt like standing at the bottom of Mt Everest and looking up. Eating something would give her energy, but she didn't have the energy in the first place to bother. The patter circled around her until she felt like she was going dizzy with it.

She closed her eyes and pulled the blanket up over her head. Hopefully tomorrow would be a better day


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter Sixteen.**

 **xxxxxxxxxx**

Hermione was tired. You would expect, with all of the sleep she was currently getting, that she would feel well rested, but that was not even close to the truth. She was currently laid, still and silent in her bed, staring at the door. She was both hoping that someone would walk through and also hoping that no-one bothered her. It was a strange mix of feelings that she had never experienced before.

The door slowly creaked open as she watched it and Hermione saw the tall figure of Theo enter, quietly shutting it behind him. He gasped when he saw her looking up at him, obviously having expected her to be asleep.

"Morning sunshine," He said with a smile, crossing the room and sitting next to her on the bed, "How are you feeling?"

"Tired." Hermione muttered and he chuckled, gently brushing some errant hair away from her face.

"Julia will be here in an hour, do you feel up to talking to her today?" He asked and she furrowed her brow in confusion, "You slept through her visit yesterday."

Had she really? She couldn't remember when she had last spoken to Julia and her mind briefly flashed with a sense of panic before it was quickly subdued.

"What day is it?" She asked, slowly turning her head to look at Theo.

"Wednesday," He told her, "You've been asleep pretty much non-stop for four days. Our date was on Saturday."

Hermione gasped. Four days of an almost catatonic existence? Why was this man, who had no romantic relationship with her whether she wanted one or not, still here, caring for her? Most men would have left long before this point. Hell, most men would have left her in the restaurant.

"I'm sorry, Theo." She whispered tearfully and Theo frowned before lowering himself to lay next to her and began to run his fingertips up and down her arm.

"Hey, what are you sorry for?" He asked gently and Hermione shook her head.

"That you're stuck here with me." She muttered.

"Do you really think of it that way? Because I don't," He smiled, touching his nose to hers. "I would rather be here, with you, than anywhere else in the world. I know you don't know me very well, but I've dreamt of you for a long time. I'm staying right here, okay?"

"Okay." She whispered, closing her eyes. "Theo?"

"Hmmm?"

"Thank you."

She felt him touch her lips to hers, as gently as the first time though less hesitantly. When he pulled away, Hermione smiled tiredly up at him.

"Do you really mean the things that you say, Theo? Because I don't want to get attached to you and then have you leave." She whispered and he frowned.

"Why would I leave you?" He asked.

"Because everybody I have ever loved has left me." She whimpered and Theo cupped her cheek gently.

"I promise, I'm not going anywhere." He murmured. "Do you want to know what I told Blaise the other night?"

"What night?" Hermione asked, raising her hand to his and pressing it harder to her cheek.

"The night of our date," He said and she nodded. "I promised that I would love you for as long as I could, even if you didn't want me to."

Hermione choked on a sob and, with the quickest movement that Theo had seen from her in days, she threw her arms around his neck and buried her face in the crook of his neck. He held her as she laid against him inhaling his scent. He smelled divine, like firewood and vanilla. Like safetly. Like... Home?

 **xxxxxxxxxx**

Theo had persuaded Hermione to come out of her room and sit with him on the sofa for the afternoon, which is where Julia found them when she stepped out of the floo. She grinned when she noticed the peace that seemed to have settled over Hermione, simply just from being held by someone who, at least Julia believed, truly loved her.

"Hermione!" She exclaimed, rushing forward towards the girl. "I'm aware that this isn't proper, but I need to hug you."

Hermione grinned as Julia pulled her into her arms and she basked in the warmth of it. It felt motherly, which up until this point, Hermione hadn't realised she had been sorely missing.

"I'm so very happy to see you awake and out of bed, Hermione. We have all been extremely worried about you." She said once she had pulled away and seated herself in the armchair. "How are you feeling?"

"Pretty low." Hermione told her honestly, "But I'm awake, so that's an improvement, right?"

"Definitely. And I can see you are being well looked after?" Julia asked, looking to Theo, who chuckled.

"Only the best." He promised and Hermione smiled.

"Could I talk to Hermione alone please Theo?" She asked gently and Theo nodded, placed a gentle kiss on Hermione's cheek and went into the kitchen, shutting the door behind him.

"What's going on in that busy head of yours?" Julia asked once the door had shut, pulling her clipboard out, ready to take notes.

"I'm scared." Hermione confessed quietly.

"What are you scared of?" The therapist pried, careful to remain gentle and Hermione sighed.

"Am I transferring my left over feelings for Draco onto Theo?" She asked and Julia smiled, shaking her head.

"Answer me this; Are you happy right now?" She asked and Hermione snorted.

"You're joking right? I'm miserable." She spluttered.

"And are you in love with Theo?"

"No, of course not," Hermione said with no hesitation, before adding, "I could see it happening though."

"I don't think this is a case of transferrance." She informed and Hermione nodded, though she could see that the girl was still uncertain.

"Hermione, could I be frank with you for a moment, off the record?" She sighed and put her clipboard down. Hermione nodded.

"Draco, at least to you, is toxic. Now don't take this as professional advice. Think of it as more... Advice from your mother, okay?" Julia asked Hermione smiled gently.

"I could probably do with some advice from my mother." She whispered.

"Draco is a spoiled, undeserving, arrogant man. His love is not the kind of love you either need or deserve. You need gentle, reassuring and compassionate love. Do you see where I'm coming from?" Julia asked.

"I do, honestly. It's just... Is it weird that I don't really feel like I need Draco around any more?" She asked with a frown and Julia sighed. Standing, she crossed to sit next to Hermione and gently took her hand.

"Of course not. I think that your feelings have run their course, Hermione. That you have found some closure. Perhaps this is what has caused this decline in your mental state? It was such a huge part of your life and now it's just-"

"Over. Just like that." Hermione sighed and Julia nodded.

"Precisely." She agreed, "And Theo? I think he could give you the kind of love you deserve, if you let him."

"I'll try. I feel like he deserves so much better than me, though." She muttered.

The kitchen door opened and they both turned to see Theo leaning against the frame, smiling gently at Hermione. Julia chuckled and told Hermione that she would be back tomorrow before disappearing through the floo, knowing that an emotional discussion was about to take place in Hermione's apartment.

 **xxxxxxxxxx**

"Whether you feel like I deserve you or not is irrelevant." Theo said from the doorway before crossing the room and kneeling between her legs, putting one hand on either side of her face, forcing her to look him in the eyes, "In the last ten years, there has been no-one else for me. Nothing compared to the connection I felt with you, even back then. Whether you feel like you deserve it or not, you have my heart and my love. I'm begging you to give me a chance to let you know how worthy you truly are. Let me love you, Hermione."

Hermione couldn't speak as Theo's thumbs wiped away the escaped tears that had rolled down her cheeks. Theo broke into a massive grin when she nodded and pulled her toward him, capturing her lips between his for a kiss that was neither hesitant or gentle.

They were curled around each other when Blaise stepped out of the floo a while later, having been off visiting Draco for most of the day. It had been decided that Draco should avoid their apartment for the time being.

"Bloody hell, when did this happen?" He exclaimed, looking at Theo's arm draped around her shoulders and her arm draped across his stomach.

"Uh..." Hermione snorted and Theo shrugged, grinning.

"Whatever," Blaise laughed before collapsing down next to Hermione and throwing his own arm around her so that the three of them found themselves in a strange three way cuddle. "Feeling better?"

"Starting to. I know I'll get there though." She answered, smiling up at him.

"Course you will." Blaise confirmed, squeezing her shoulders. "Guess what? I bought face masked and foot soaks today!"

"Oh hell no..." Theo muttered and Hermione pinched him on the side, making him squeal.

"Movie and junk food binge?" Hermione grinned, jumping up from the sofa and running into the kitchen for supplies when Blaise nodded.

When she was gone, Blaise turned to Theo and raised his eyebrow in question. When he had left that morning, Hermione hadn't been out of her bedroom in four days, and now he'd come home to find her completely revived, though obviously far from her normal self. Theo shrugged.

"I've got no idea what happened, but I'm not going to complain and neither are you." He said and Blaise snorted.


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter Seventeen.**

 **xxxxxxxxxx**

Thanks to her daily sessions with Julia, her increased dose of potion and having Theo and Blaise around to lift her spirits, Hermione found herself feeling much better over the next week. Though she still had moments of melancholy, and she was nowhere near back to her usual self, she was functioning and participating, which was a enough of an improvement for now.

One thing that was troubling her now, though, was the fact that Theo had returned to his own apartment and she once again found herself sleeping alone. Just having him next to her was enough to provide her with a feeling of safety and tonight was her first night without him. She had tossed and turned for hours in the too-big bed before finding herself here, in front of her roommates bedroom door. She raised her hand and knocked, hearing his footsteps as he approached and the door opened to reveal his tired face.

"Whassup?" He mumbled. Clearly she had woken him up. "Everything o'right?"

"I can't sleep on my own." She admitted sheepishly and he snorted before swinging the door wide open and waving his arm toward the bed.

"After you, m'lady." He drawled and Hermione laughed as she crawled into the side of the bed that she knew was opposite to where he usually slept.

When he returned, Blaise flopped a heavy arm over her waist and closed his eyes, but Hermione lay awake. She thought of Theo and wondered if she could truly fall for him. The answer was a resounding yes, of course. Julia had been right when she'd said that he provided a love and devotion that was unique. He was gentle and wonderful, and Hermione found her that her heart swelled at the thought of him.

"He realy does love you, you know?" Blaise mumbled and Hermione looked at his face to see one eye open and watching her.

"Are you a legilimens?" She gasped and he chuckled.

"No, but wouldn't life be so much fun if I was?" He winked, "Could you love him?"

"I might already," She admitted, grinning at Blaise, "I'm not sure, but I definitely could. He's brilliant."

"Excellent," Blaise grinned, stretching and rubbing his eyes. "Now, would you care for the latest updates of our non-existent love affair?"

"Of course. You're my very own tabloid." Hermione laughed and he glared at her, which she returned by poking her tongue out at him. He poked it back into her mouth and chuckled. "What's the latest?"

"Well. I've either murdered you and hidden your body or you've upped and left me, taking half of my fortune with you. Take your pick." He laughed, recounting the latest ridiculous lies in the Prophet.

"Hmmm..." Hermione tapped her chin, pretending to consider her options, "I either end up dead or rich, that's not really a fair choice." Blaise snorted.

"I knew it! You only love me for my vast riches!" He exclaimed, covering his eyes dramatically and Hermione giggled.

"Thank you, Blaise. For looking after me." She smiled once they had settled down.

"Of course." He assured. "You're basically my family. Like he little sister I never had."

"But I'm older than you." She yawned, closing her eyes.

"I'm taller than you. Go to sleep." He muttered, clearly almost asleep himself.

Hermione laughed and rested her head on his arm, slowly allowing her mind to shut down for the night.

 **xxxxxxxxxx**

"Morning mate." Blaise called as Theo stepped out of the floo the next morning. "Your witch is still asleep in my bed." Theo snorted as he walked into the kitchen.

"Only you could get away with that comment." He chuckled, accepting a cup of coffee from Blaise and sitting down at the table. "What's she doing in there, anyway?"

"She couldn't sleep on her own," Blaise shrugged, "So she came into my room."

"Oh." Theo muttered, glancing out of the window at the bright blue sky. "How was she last night?"

Theo had left after dinner when Blaise had pulled out a selection of pink DVDs and suggesting that they watch chick flicks. Theo had quickly declined and hastily disappeared through the floo, leaving Blaise and Hermione to watch their sap alone. They'd watched Legally Blonde, The Princess Diaries and Bridget Jones before Hermione had headed to bed, exhausted.

"She was alright. Cried in the usual places, but otherwise she seemed fine." Blaise informed and Theo smiled. "What are your plans for today?"

Theo had mentioned that he was going to get Hermione out of the apartment today. Considering that she hadn't left it since their date the Saturday before last, Blaise was more than happy to back his decision. He'd suggested somewhere outside but Theo had told him he'd already started to make the plans so Blaise had left him to it.

"Bookshops." Theo grinned and Blaise chuckled.

"Did someone say bookshops?" Came a tired voice from behind them and Blaise turned to see Hermione crossing to the coffee machine.

"Fancy it?" Theo asked, smiling and she hesitated before nodding slightly. "I'll be with you the whole time."

"I know." Hermione said, pulling out a chair and joining them at the table. "I just don't want to see anyone we know."

"We won't." He said assuredly and she raised a brow at him, "We're going to the south coast, purely muggle."

 **xxxxxxxxxx**

Hermione and Theo enjoyed a peaceful day of wandering in and out of antique and secondhand muggle bookshops and lazing on the sandy beach in Cornwall. The sun had been shining and Hermione revelled in the feeling of warmth against her skin. Theo had thoroughly spoiled her, having surprised her when he pulled a wallet full of muggle money from his pocket, and she had picked up some truly wonderful books that she was excited to add to her library. He'd also bought her lunch in a beautiful seafront restaurant and ice cream to eat on the sand.

She had persuaded him to join her in paddling in the sea and she had almost cried laughing when he screamed because some seaweed got tangled around his foot. In all, it had been the most relaxing and wonderful day that Hermione could remember herself having in a long time, and she was incredibly thankful to Theo for bringing her here.

They were currently sat on a bench, watching the sun set over the water and she turned to him, smiling. She didn't say anything, but pulled him towards her for a kiss before pulling away.

"Thank you for bringing me here." She told him, turning back to the sunset and felt his arm rest around her shoulders.

"My pleasure." He smiled, "How are you feeling?"

"Relaxed." She murmured, looking over at him. "I feel better right now than I have in a long time. I can't remember the last time I was excited to read a book."

"Well you've got plenty to choose from." He laughed, nudging the big bag of books next to him with his elbow.

"I did get quite a few, didn't I?" She chuckled.

They were silent for a few minutes, watching the sunset and the other people passing them by. To anyone who saw them, they would appear just a normal couple enjoying a romantic view, but to Hermione, this was a revelation. She felt truly happy, and it seemed like such a long time since the last time she had felt this way.

"Tell me something I don't know about you." Theo said as he played with a lock of hair near her shoulder.

"Like what?" Hermione asked, smiling as she turned to face him.

"Something that nobody else knows." Theo said and she nodded, appearing deep in thought.

"Oh! I've got it!" She exclaimed and he gestured for her to continue. "When I was 7, and I was just starting to experience outbursts with my magic, I got so annoyed with my teacher for giving me a low mark on a test, even though I'd worked really hard, that I made all of her clothes disappear."

Theo was silent for a moment before his shoulders started to shake with suppressed laughter. He tried to hold it in but Hermione snorted in a very unladylike fashion and it set him off again, causing him to erupt in loud uncontrolled laughter. Hermione was laughing with him and by the time they'd settled down, she was rubbing at a stitch in her side and Theo was breathless.

"That is fucking amazing." He chuckled, shaking his head.

"It wasn't so funny in a room full of traumatised children. Your turn," Hermione chuckled, nudging him with her shoulder, "Tell me something I don't know about you."

"Hmm..." Theo hummed, his face concentrated in thought before he snapped his fingers and turned to Hermione, "I once turned Draco's hair bright pink for calling you names."

"What?" Hermione gasped before chuckling, "When was this?"

"Fourth year," He laughed, "He had to go to Flitwick to reverse the charm."

"Oh!" Hermione laughed, "Professor Flitwick started to grin oddly at Draco about halfway through the year! Now I know why!"

Theo nodded and pressed a kiss to Hermione's temple, pulling her closer to him and she rested her head on his shoulder, soaking in the relaxing final heat from the sun.


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter Eighteen.**

 **xxxxxxxxxx**

Now that she had passed the hurdle of leaving the apartment, Hermione fell into a new routine of therapy sessions and meeting with her friends. She still spent a lot of time at home, but now that she was able to focus her attention on her books again, she found much more enjoyment from being there. Her mental state improved immensely, as did her relationship with Theo, who had been spending all of his spare time at the apartment with her and Blaise. In short, Hermione was happy and found herself enjoying her life again.

It had been four months since she had visited the coast with Theo and the weather had turned cold a long while ago. They had grown incredibly close since then and Hermione was thinking of asking him to move in with her and Blaise, wondering why he bothered to keep his own apartment when he only slept there. He ate all his meals with them and only left late at night, so it hardly seemed worth it.

"Blaise?" Hermione asked, sitting down next to him on the sofa one morning before Theo.

"Hmmm?" He hummed, engrossed in his book.

Hermione sighed and pulled his book from him, ignoring his protests as she marked his page and closed it, putting it on the coffee table. She needed his full attention and input into this decision as this was as much his home as it was hers.

"How would you feel if I asked Theo to move in with us?" She asked and Blaise's eyebrows shot up.

"That's a big step." He noted and Hermione nodded, frowning. "Are you sure?"

"I think so." She nodded, "I mean, he spends all his time here and only goes home to sleep. And I sleep better on the nights that he's next to me... What do you think?"

"You know I wouldn't mind, Hermione." He told her, sighing. "I just worry about you. I don't want you to, you know, slip again."

Hermione nodded in understanding. Hermione considered that their proper relationship had begun on the day that he'd taken her to Cornwall, and that was four months ago, but while their emotional relationship had progressed, their physical one had not. She hadn't felt ready, though she was starting to. She had thought about it, and she knew that Theo would not push her for anything she didn't want and she relayed as much to Blaise.

"I'm not saying that he would hurt you, Hermione." Blaise smiled, "That man worships the ground you walk on. It's still going to be a big change though, and I don't want you to have anything to worry over."

"If anything," She mused, biting her lip. "It would only help. If I got better sleep every night then my mood would improve. Julia has approved of this, I spoke about it at my last session, I just wanted to make sure you'd be okay with it."

"Well... If it's okay with Julia, it's okay with me. But on one condition." Blaise said sternly and Hermione grinned excitedly, nodding. "If you start to feel down again, you HAVE to talk about it, got it? Before it gets too bad."

Hermione squealed and tackled Blaise, laughing, into a bear hug. He lost his balance and they fell back on the sofa so that he was pinned underneath an excited Hermione. Suddenly, the floo roared to life and Theo stepped out, raising his eyebrow in question at the scene he was confronted with. Hermione squealed all over again, almost deafening Blaise and dragged herself away from him, leaping into Theo's arms and wrapping her legs around his waist.

"The fuck is going on?" Theo laughed as he caught her and Blaise grinned at him.

"Welcome home, mate." Blaise chuckled and Theo frowned, confused.

Hermione pulled away from him and grabbed his face between her hands, kissing him hard on the lips before unwrapping her legs and dropping to the floor in front of him.

"We want you to move in." She said, giddy with excitement.

"Here? With you?" Theo asked, smiling and Hermione nodded. "When?"

"I'm going to say immediately?" Blaise laughed and Hermione nodded happily, running off to her room.

Theo watched her go, amused, until he heard her door slam shut and turned to his best friend, who was shaking his head as he picked up the book that Hermione had taken from him earlier.

"Not that I'm complaining, or anything," Theo chuckled, sitting down next to him, "But what's brought this on?"

"Something about sleeping better and Julia thinking it's a good idea?" Blaise muttered and Theo nodded before getting up and going after Hermione.

 **xxxxxxxxxx**

"Okay so I emptied half of the drawers and there's space in the wardrobe for your shirts and stuff," Hermione said excitedly, showing Theo where to put his clothes, "And there's space in the bathroom for your toiletries, and if you want we can redecorate, but that can come later an-"

Theo stopped her excitable rambling with his lips pushed against hers, smiling against her. She gasped at the suddeness of the kiss and suddenly started to walk backwards towards the bed. She pulled away from him and moved her hands to his belt, frowning when she felt Theo's hands grab hers.

"Hermione, you know we don't have to-"

"I want to, Theo." She smiled and he frowned at her.

"Are you sure?" He asked, gently and smiled when she nodded, letting go of her hands and lowering her down onto the bed.

 **xxxxxxxxxx**

"Bloody hell." Theo muttered, collapsing down next to her and pulling her to rest on his bare chest. Hermione sighed happily.

"That was..." Hermione trailed off, searching for the best word to describe the magic that had just happened between them.

"Amazing? Incredible? Fantastic?" Theo chuckled breathlessly and she nodded against his chest.

Hermione closed her eyes as she listened to his heartbeat through his chest. She did not regret her decision one bit, and Theo had been incredibly gentle with her and taken his time to make sure that she was completely relaxed and satisfied. It had been wonderful, and Hermione found herself coming to the realisation that this man was everything she didn't know that she had been looking for. He treated her with respect and gave her love freely and with no pressure for anything in return.

"I love you, Theo." She said, sure after all this time that she could say it with full belief of it's truth.

"I love you, too." He grinned and pressed a kiss to her forehead. "I'm proud of you, too."

"You are?" She asked, smiling shyly at him as she moved her head to look at him. He looked down at her and nodded. "Why?"

"Look at how far you've come, baby." He murmered and she smiled at the petname, "A few months ago we were watching for signs that you might make another attempt at your life, and now you're... Well, you're incredible."

"I wouldn't have tried again," Hermione told him, pulling away from him and laying her head on her own pillow. Theo rolled over to face her, frowning. "I know how bad I got, before you say anything, but I've never told anybody where I ended up the time that I tried. I never want to be in that place ever again." She shuddered.

"Where did you go?" He whispered, stroking his hand up and down her arm.

"It's hard to explain. It was nothingness and emptiness physically expressed as a-"

"A white expanse of nothing but muffled voices." He nodded, looking serious and Hermione gasped.

"How did you-"

"How do I know?" He asked and she nodded.

He pulled away from her slightly, lowering the sheet to show a scar that ran down from his collarbone to the middle of his stomach. Hermione ran her fingers over it and felt that it was ragged and raised from his skin, obviously from a severe injury and she looked up at him to see his face scrunched up in what she thought was pain. She went to snatch her hand away but Theo grabbed it and held it against his chest.

"My father was not a nice man, Hermione." He whispered and nodded when she gasped in disbelief. "He did this to me, and it almost cost me my life. I was only eight when he did this, and I still remember that place with perfect clarity."

"Jesus christ." Hermione whimpered, "I'm so sorry, Theo."

Theo shook his head and pulled her back against his chest, holding her while he let her absorb what he had just told her. Not many people knew the truth about his childhood, but he felt she should know that, and everything else. Hermione lifted her head and kissed a line down the scar and he groaned. The skin was extremely sensitive.

"Thank you for telling me." She murmered, resting her chin in the middle of his belly and he brought his hand up to stroke her hair.

"You've been honest with me." He shrugged, "It's only fair."


End file.
